Monday, October 27, 2008

Tales of the Real Twilight Zone

You unlock this door with the key of imagination. Beyond it is another dimension - a dimension of sound, a dimension of sight, a dimension of mind. You're moving into a land of both shadow and substance, of dreams and nightmares, of things and ideas. It is the middle ground between science and superstition, and it lies between the pit of man's fears and the summit of his knowledge. This is the dimension of imagination. That sign post ahead is your destination and your reality: Bored on The Corner.

This article of "Bored on the Corner" is somewhat unique, and calls for a different kind of introduction. This, as you may recognize, is a common metropolitan newspaper. Every day, countless people around the world flip pages like these, reading stories about the world around them, that they usually forget moments later. Unless it's the latest fiasco that a drunken celebrity has gotten him or herself into. But all the time there are stories that, if they are printed at all, are hidden in an unimportant area, labeled as jokes and curiousities. However, every single one of them is true. It just goes to show you that you are just one wrong turn -- or one page turn -- away from truly finding yourself in The Twilight Zone.

Consider the case of a 43 year-old Japanese woman, who had a virtual marriage in the online community called "Maple Story". One day, she finds herself divorced from her digital husband, without any word. What is a jilted technospouse to do? She used her hubby's login to kill her ex-cyberhusband, albeit in digital form. She has been charged with hacking. At first I thought that this was very bizarre behaviour, even for a jilted wife, but how is this any different from an angry spouse that slashes her husband's tires, or drills a hole in his favourite boat?

Then there's 66 year-old Maryanne O'Neill, of Fort Pierce, Florida. Earlier this month, she went into a local Waffle House, ordered a coffee and sandwich, then refused to pay the bill, even when ordered to be police. She was arrested for the misdemeanour, and if convicted, she could be jailed for two months, and fined $500. If you are wondering, her sandwich and coffee would have cost her just $7.45. While this blog is all in favour of sticking to your guns, it also is the first to say that this is just a stupid fight to pick.

In Lincoln, Nebraska, a judge ruled to throw out a lawsuit against God, saying that The Almighty was not properly served, due to His unlisted home address. The lawsuit was filed by Independent State Senator Ernie Chambers, seeking a permanent injunction against God on the grounds that He allegedly made terroristic threats against himself and his Omaha constituents. Supposedly the purpose of the lawsuit, was to prove a point, that anyone should have access to the courts, regardless of whether they're rich or poor. It is beyond me how suing God has anything to do with the average person having his or her day in court, but then again much about religious intolerance baffles me anyway.

Finally, in a case of romance truly being dead, an judge has told an Iowa woman to stay away from her fiancee -- who she is due to marry two weeks -- because in the midst of an argument over her driving, she not only bit her beloved's hand, but ran over his foot. At the risk of making a very cheap joke, my advice to her would-be husband is to run as far away as he can... once the bones have all healed, that is.

What's that you say? Too mundane, is it? Alright, if you want more lurid tales, then I will be happy to oblige. As many of us know, a common feature in Halloween haunt shows is a fake hanging. But I can show you some examples of why this is not a wise thing to try at home. Twice, in October of 1990, teenagers have actually died as a result of these stage stunts gone horribly wrong. The same calamity also happened in October of 2001, under the same circumstances. Each time, the hangings were mistaken for a part of the show.

Before I go, I will provide a public service and remind parents and children alike to be careful of what kind of treats they accept, from certain people. While it's rare for Halloween treats to be poisoned, or to have blades and pins hidden in them, it has happened nonetheless. 1982 was an especially horrid year for these antics. Please be sure to not eat any treats that are homemade, or unpackaged. And boys and girls, please be patient and let your mom and dad check everything you've brought home, before you stuff yourselves with sweets. Thank you.

That's it. I just wanted to show you some of the world's deceivingly colorful locales, and introduce you to some of its more special residents. Fact or urban legend, substance or shadow, but all of it very much a part of The Twilight Zone. So it only goes to show you, that "truth" can easily be stranger than fiction, when you're Bored on the Corner.

No comments: