Wednesday, April 1, 2009

April Fool's from Bored on the Corner

Howdy-doodily-do, Corner-ites! Welcome to the April Fool's Edition of Bored on the Corner. Let's celebrate the day, by going through these headlines from the fine people at Fox News.

[Fox News has no real affiliation with Bored on the Corner]

Now that the anti-evolution film Expelled is out on DVD, the Christian Right has declared it the best documentary they've seen, since "The Flinstones".

A traffic light in West Virginia that had been broken since Christmas, has been fixed by a mystery repairman. Even though his identity is unknown at this time, it is said that he is already being asked to fix everything else broken in the town, including old stop signs, sewers, phone lines, gas lines, and the city council.

A statue of Colonel Sanders was beached in Osaka, Japan. Unfortunately, in addition to missing his hands, legs, and glasses, the statue of the KFC founder also suffered a shotgun blast to the head, when a local man thought it was a zombie and panicked.

According to The Pope, condoms make AIDS worse. Also, sunblock will give you worse sunburns, swimming with a life jacket will make you drown faster, or gravity will ultimately make you fly.

A former official with the Bush administration recently said that several Guantanamo inmates are probably innocent. According to sources, Dick Cheney responding by wondering if the commie bastard would like to go hunting with him.

In financial news, Chrysler president Tom La Sorda is threatening to pull his company out of Canada, if the Canadian Auto Workers' Union pushes for a deal similar to the one they made with General Motors. Mr. La Sorda calls the deal unacceptable, saying that in addition to wage cuts and taking back benefits, he'd like to have the union work 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, with no pay, food, or water.

While Hamilton steel maker Stelco remains shut down, its rival Dofasco remains thriving, as it has done for many years. When Stelco was asked if they plan on asking Dofasco how they do it, we were told "Tips from a profitable company?! No, why would we ever want those?"

Before I go, I'd like to take this moment to recommend the Bored on the Corner movie of the month: Vin Diesel and Paul Walker, in Fast and Furious: We're All Out of Ideas. That's it for me, enough said, take it easy, catch you next time, and may the forces of evil be confused on the way to your next blog.

(That oughta hold the little f***ers for another week.)

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