Brains on the Sidewalk

When I ranted last year, about bike riders who don't seem to know what they're doing, I forgot to mention a very big problem: not many seem to wear a helmet. We all know you're supposed to do it -- in some places, it's even the law -- but then again we all know that you shouldn't drive drunk or without a seatbelt, and look at how well that works. This is probably going to be yet another thing, where the only people who'll listen to me, are the ones who already know not to be this stupid, but I've got to say it anyway.

The other day, while on the job, I saw a thirteen or fourteen year old girl riding her bike, and not only was she not wearing a helmet, but she did something else that just about gave me chills. She was letting her little brother ride on the handlebars -- and he's maybe seven years old. For some reason, this idea is almost considered romantic in some ways, but this is just completely insane. The whole reason people get paranoid about bicycle safety is that if you fall off the thing or hit something, you're just going to shoot head-first into the closest hard surface.

Let me put it this way: earlier this year, actress Natasha Richardson slipped on a ski slope, hit her head on regular ground, and died in two or three days. If falling into a normal hill can kill a fully grown adult, what do you think would happen to a seven year old, taking a skull-plant into cement?

If I ever become crazy enough to have kids, this is definitely something I won't sit still for. Any son or daughter of mine who rides a bike, WILL wear a helmet, even if I have to duct tape it on. Any son or daughter of mine who rides someone else's handlebars, will be automatically grounded, and any son or daughter of mine allowing others to do this on their bikes, will have their bikes taken away. It sounds harsh, and no doubt you won't be on a kid's good side for doing it, but it's better that, than you go to their funeral, and constantly ask yourself why you didn't stop them from dying. Enough said.

Idiots on Bikes

I'm going to take a break from slagging conservatives, and poke a bit of fun at something we all find a little annoying: stupid people who ride bikes. Now let me be clear, I have no problem with people riding bikes in general, especially with gas prices being what they are these days. However, is it really too much to ask that the people using these things use a certain amount of sense?

For example, it is not only perfectly legal for bikes to ride on the road, but in some places there's no choice in the matter, either by law or by circumstance. That being said, you need to use your head a little, here. If the road is roaring with high speed traffic, you probably shouldn't be putting anything slower than a Mo-ped into the mix. Not only does it needlessly clog the road, but sooner or later someone's going to not notice you, and guess what happens? So yeah, trying to weave this dinky little thing into rush hour traffic is kind of like running INTO a stampede of bulls.

And then there are those who simply don't care about traffic laws, or basic manners. Apparently the mothers of some of these pricks never explained to them that when you're on a sidewalk, you have to make room for everyone. In other words, you don't knock over people who are walking near your contraption. I know that's beating a dead horse, but since the message isn't sinking in then I will beat this fucker into pulp if I need to.

On a related note, evidently there are a lot of bicyclists who don't grasp that you have to obey traffic signs as much as anyone else. The reason for that is that someone could die if you don't. A perfectly good example comes from Australia, where an old man was killed a year ago, by an idiot on a bike who ran a red light. I suppose this is a great time to mention, every time I hear about someone who dies in a bike crash because they didn't wear a helmet, I have no sympathy for them whatsoever. I don't laugh my head off, but I don't shed a tear, either. As far as I'm concerned, they were being incredibly stupid, and got what they deserved. Therefore, I have no more sympathy for them, than I would a drunk driver, or street racer, or just your run of the mill dumbass driving without a seatbelt.

As I said, I know I'm fighting an uphill battle here, because these laws rarely get the chance to be enforced, and anyone arrogant enough to act like this in the first place isn't going to listen to a word I say anyway. But maybe it's about time that we take some personal responsibility; after all, we're encouraged to get involved when our friends try to drive drunk, so maybe we should take a friend's bike if he wants to ride without a helmet. Or slash his tires if he drives like a lunatic, whatever. Enough said.