Thursday, December 31, 2009

2009 Douchebag of the Year

Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Airport Security (again)

We all know by now that, in the wake of the failed airline bombing on Christmas Day, the American and Canadian governments are once again playing "Security Theatre" (ie. pretending to take the issue very seriously, by creating rules that do nothing to address the actual problem). I'll admit that I have a bit of self-interest in this annoyance, given that my parents and I each have trips planned in the next two months, but please bear with me on this.

U.S. Senator Joe Lieberman (known in some Democratic circles as "The Turncoat"), is calling for more of those enhanced body scanners to be used in American airports -- claiming that that would have stopped the Christmas Day incident. There's just a tiny problem with that, Joe: that flight originated in The Netherlands! Unless you plan on twisting the arms of foreign powers -- again -- to do your bidding, then security measures at home aren't going to mean very much.

Additional pissing up a rope comes in the rule that passengers will no longer be allowed to walk around the cabin, during the last hour of a flight.



...What difference is that supposed to make?

Let me break down the problem here, on two paths. First of all, we are -- by definition -- talking about criminals. If they're willing to break laws about mass murder, what exactly makes you think that they'll give a shit about when you're allowed to stand up inside a plane?

Second of all, since the general idea of a terrorist attack is simply to kill a lot of people in the most shocking and unexpected way possible, has it ever occurred to the government that a bomber could simply rig his/her device during that time that you ARE allowed to move around?

Now look, terrorists are generally very good at adapting to setbacks anyway, so I'm skeptical about how much difference any security measure will really make, but the chest-thumpers could at least try to come up with stuff that makes even basic sense.

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Canadians don't care about torture?

So the Conservative government of Emperor Harper has effectively shut down a commission that is trying to investigate the allegations of Canadian soldiers knowingly letting Afghan prisoners of war being tortured, under government orders. This is fairly typical of the Harper government's hostility towards oversight, justice, and democracy.

One MP, Laurie Hawn, claims that Canadians don't care about the issue -- what planet is he on?

Every poll I've seen since this issue came up, says Canadians are just about ready to throw the Tories into the street. So all that this does is perpetuate the idea that the Harperites know that something fishy is going on, and are trying -- rather badly -- to cover it up.

So everyone reading this, if you agree with me on it, e-mail Mr. Hawn at Let him know how the public REALLY feels about this disgrace.

I also invite you to contact our REAL head of state, Governor General Michaelle Jean, to ask her to stop Harper from destroying this country (he can only suspend Parliament with her permission -- she might even be able to pull the plug on him, I don't know about that though).

Monday, November 30, 2009

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

2009 Douchebag Nominees!

Ladies and gentleman, boys and girls, fans and haters of Bored on the Corner, it is that time of year again. Today, I announce the nominees for my favourite award, The 2009 Douchebag of The Year. It is a special award, given to the person or people who you the fans, feel made the biggest ass of him/her/themselves in the last year. It was actually really hard to narrow it down to a short list -- I reeeeally wanted to squeeze Suzanne Lukas into this, but alas... Without any further ado, here are the 12 finalists for the second annual Douchebag of the Year. Why 12? Just to piss off The Nostalgia Critic.

Canadian Prime Minister Stephen Harper, for... oh jeez, where to begin? Off the top of my head, he abandoned and slandered Canadian citizens of Muslim heritage, when they got in trouble abroad; his government blocked a law-abiding Scottish MP from giving a lecture in Canada, just because he supported Palestine, while the Harperites totally ignore an extremist group like the Jewish Defense League; his party pulled funding to a Gay Pride parade and fired the minister who originally gave it a grant, just because they aren't comfortable with cross-dressers; he couldn't resist a single oppourtunity to attack and bully the Opposition, even when his statements were wrong and he was on the world stage; he got caught on camera threatening to teach Parliament a lesson if he gets a majority (as well as slagging women and gay rights groups as "Left-wing fringe groups" when he's supported by Right-wing fringe groups); funneling stimulus money rather conspicuously to ridings that support his CRAP Party; not giving a rat's ass about the unemployed until he was almost kicked out of office -- AGAIN; shutting down various watchdogs and inquiries meant to keep an eye on what his government is doing; and finally, not showing a single shred of financial competence in this recession, despite supposedly being an economist.

But, an incompetent and tyrannical leader can only do so much damage on his own, even with a cabinet that has no idea what they're doing. They say a hero is only as good as his villain, and so a wannabe dictator is only so effective without an ignorant public, and an opposition that wouldn't scare a chipmunk. I'd say, "The less said about Michael Ignatieff and Jack Layton, the better", but they've done so little that I can't really say anything about them anyway. As for the public... if more of them were inclined to actually pick up a newspaper once in a while and find out what's going on in the world around them, maybe the Tories wouldn't be able to get away with this verbal and ideological assault on Canada. All it takes is five minutes and a connection to Google, folks. There's no excuse; if God wanted us to just roll over when told, He would have gotten to the point and made us dogs.

The many "celebrities" who've more than overstayed their fifteen minutes of fame. Normally I wouldn't get that bent out of shape over the sort of people who put the kids of tabloid publishers through college, except for two things. First of all, I've got this psychotic hatred for people who are famous for no reason besides having a famous daddy, being good looking, or giving good head. Second, while I normally have no issue with famous people wanting to get involved in world events, some of them are so slimy that they almost make the scumbags they're protecting look like gentlemen.

Here's a list compiled by me and the fans: Kanye West for once again being such a douchebag at an awards show that I was a little tempted to put his face on MY award; Megan Fox for being an obnoxious and very stupid diva, while having absolutely no talent at all; Miley Cyrus, for not only being so thin-skinned that she left Twitter over some idiot calling her fat, but for claiming to have a strict moral Christian upbringing while being one of the most sexualized products of the Disney Channel today; Richard and Mayumi Heene, aka The family of "Balloon Boy", for possibly the most insulting, insipid, and just plain dumb publicity stunt of this past year at least -- yeah sure, give some reality show has-beens another show, because their kid supposedly got stuck in a balloon that looks like a pastry hat, great idea!; Roman Polanski and his apologists, for thinking that there's NOTHING wrong with drugging a 13 year old girl, raping her repeatedly, and running from the country to avoid a reduced sentence; Perez Hilton, for... well, with this guy you almost don't need a reason, but let's go with his knack for picking fights and then crying bigotry when they backfire; Amy Winehouse for actually making Keith Richards look good... even when sober; Nadya Suleman, aka The Octomom for single-handedly making a sick joke out of fertility treatments, living on welfare, and single motherhood simultaneously; Jon and Kate Gosselin for milking every last drop of their questionable family values with book deals, tabloid exposure, and spending so much of their divorce bitching about money, instead of who's supposed to take care of those eight kids of theirs; and finally The Learning Channel, the producers of "Toddlers and Tiaras", and pageant families in general, for needlessly exploiting kids through these shallow, pointless, and sometimes oversexualized beauty pageants, when some of them aren't even done breastfeeding yet!

The Nobel Prize Committee, over its very odd decision to give this year's Peace Prize to U.S. President Barack Obama. Now I have a lot of respect for Obama and what he's tried to do, but the thing is, he was nominated for the Peace Prize just a few WEEKS into his presidency -- he barely even had time to change the carpets in the White House yet! And frankly, whether you like Obama or not it's pretty hard to deny that when people get major awards just for PROMISING to make the world a better place, then the awards are pretty much meaningless.

Gary Bettman, The NHL, the Toronto Maple Leafs, the Calgary Flames, and Sean Avery just for good measure. Mr. Bettman and the NHL used every dirty trick in the book to keep Blackberry Billionaire Jim Balsille from buying the defunct Phoenix Coyotes and moving them to Hamilton, where they might actually make money. Not only that, but for the longest time they said that Hamilton will get an NHL team over Bettman's dead body -- don't tempt me, Gary. Then when the ugly bankruptcy hearings tarred and feathered everyone involved, these gentlemen turned around and said that they'd be open to a new team in Southern Ontario after all.

As for the Maple Leafs, never mind them being the textbook definition of crappy hockey at the best of times, during this slugfest they had the nerve to claim that they can and will personally veto any NHL team that wants to play in Southern Ontario -- which, you know, would give them competition and force them to either play a good game or lower their ticket prices to something you don't need a second mortgage to pay. By the way, guess where they went, once the new hockey season started? STRAIGHT TO THE BOTTOM! Even if you guys don't get the Douchebag of the Year award, you've certainly been served some karma.

The Calgary Flames are on here for a very simple reason, that we all know by now: even though there isn't enough H1N1 vaccine to go around, even though they are all healthy men and therefore very unlikely to be affected by this virus, they illegally got the vaccine anyway. And think it's perfectly justified -- yeah, tell that to the family whose grandfather they might have to bury because of your entitlements, guys.

And Sean Avery? Well let's just say it takes a very upstanding guy to go out of his way to get a bunch of reporters to look at him, and call his ex-girlfriend "sloppy seconds". I guess Elisha Cuthbert really did wear all the class in that relationship.

The Obama Haters (aka "The Devil-Spawn of Joe McCarthy and possibly the KKK"), for not even trying to use facts and good taste to criticize the President. No, they insist on calling him a Muslim -- which is badly disguised racism if I've ever seen it -- calling him a Nazi (which makes absolutely no sense), screaming "Socialist!" at anything that actually tries to help people, and insisting that he was born in Kenya despite very easy-to-find evidence that he was born in Hawaii. Incidentally, these same people never ever raise a peep at the fact that John McCain was born in Panama, and therefore is much less likely to be a natural-born U.S. citizen than Obama.

While we're at it, this nomination also goes out to the people who use any shooting as an excuse to threaten Muslims. I swear, every time there's been a shooting or explosion or anything dramatic in America in the last few years, the trolls ALWAYS say two things: that at least one Muslim MUST BE responsible, and that EVERY LAST MUSLIM must be either kicked out of the country, or just wiped out. What makes it particularly insulting is that these are usually the same arm-chair militants who wear their flags on their sleeves and scream that we must support our soldiers -- refresh my memory, but aren't the soldiers fighting for freedom from this sort of horseshit? And about this crap that says "The West must cease to be liberal, or it will cease to exist", coming from AMERICAN conservatives... maybe you haven't noticed, but the people trying to kill us ARE CONSERVATIVES. Why the hell are you trying to emulate them?

By the way, Fox News, for feeding and occasionally starting this vile, dishonest, bigoted, hateful propaganda, with nothing even resembling journalism ethics, you can be guaranteed that if you win this award, you're the first people I'll mention in the speech. Oh, and since you claim to be "fair and balanced", answer me this: why do you go so far out of your way to criticize the Obama government, even for things that he inherited from your hero George W. Bush, when just a few years ago you said that criticizing the president at all, makes you Un-American and a traitor?

Bell Canada, for charging its business customers for long-distance calls, made on hacked phone lines. These are calls that Bell knows for a fact, their customers couldn't have made, yet they insist on charging tens of thousands of dollars, or more. This is not only very sleazy, but I could swear that it's a criminal offence -- after all, they're directly making money off of fraud and identity theft. Incidentally, this is yet another thing that our wonderful federal government refuses to get involved in, claiming that it has no jurisdiction -- what was that about being tough on crime, Emperor Harper?

Focus on the Family, The National Organization for Marriage, Carrie Prejean, the Republican Party, etc. (aka "Bigots in Suits"), for trying their damnedest to stop gay marriage in America at all costs, including revoking it in states that have legalized it, even by the free votes that the Christian Right claims to insist on. Even though there is not a single thing in American law that says Christian beliefs have superiority to everything and everyone else in the country -- in fact it's forbidden in the Constitution -- for some reason these people think that the Church must rule all.

Not only that, but they repeatedly scream that gay marriage will destroy families, destroy marriage, and destroy society. Um guys? Many countries have had same-sex marriage for years, and the Earth is still here. Maybe you didn't know that. They also have the nerve to say that going out of their way to block homosexuals from having the same rights as everyone else, is somehow not being bigoted or discriminatory -- wow, and religious conservatives wonder why they have a reputation for hate and stupidity? By the way, I'd just like to say once again, that women and black people -- who had to fight the exact same conservatives for their own rights less than a hundred years ago -- are the ultimate hypocrites if they actually side with the "family values" groups. Evidently that equality stuff you were preaching fifty years ago only applies to you, right?

And Republicans... where do you get off slamming gays all the time, when quite a few men in your party have been caught looking for action in public bathrooms, or hitting on underage boys (even though Fox News "accidentally" mislabels you as Democrats)?

And as for Carrie Prejean, who famously lost the Miss USA pageant when she opposed same-sex marriage -- and recently made a scene on The Larry King Show by refusing to talk to a gay caller -- she's just another example of the typical two-faced fundy; she says in one breath that she respects the choice of gay marriage, then totally opposes it the next, cries religious persecution when people stand up to her, and the entire time that she claims to have had a morally upstanding upbringing, she conveniently forgets to mention that she posed in just her underwear in previous modeling gigs, and she made a sex tape for her boyfriend when she was 17. By the way Carrie, I'd just like to remind you that in America it's a federal crime to create and distribute child pornography. The next noise you hear will be the cops knocking on your door. Have a nice day.

Various unions, for even thinking of striking while we're in the middle of a recession. The most famous examples in Ontario lately have been the York University teaching union, and the union representing driving testers -- who already seem to do a really spotty job, based on some of the morons on the road, but that's a different matter. Look, in principle I support you guys trying to be treated well and make a decent wage, but bickering over not getting a big enough raise is just stupid; the economy is in the crapper right now, where the hell do you expect that money to come from? Criss-Freaking-Angel??

Shona Holmes, Betsy McCaughey, Sarah Palin, and the private health insurance industry, for not only demonizing the idea of lower-class Americans having any kind of health care, for free, but resorting to complete lies to do it. Obama's health care plan wasn't perfect to start with -- and is even less so now, after you vultures had your way with it -- but instead of using legitimate points, you decided to make it sound like middle-class Americans would be wiped out in concentration camps (which isn't far off from what's already happening, interestingly enough). You also claimed public health care is insanely expensive, when America actually spends far more per patient under the current system, than any country with public health care, AND its people usually don't live as long. Hmmm...

In the case of Canadian Shona Holmes, this is particularly interesting because she went on TV coast to coast, claiming to be the survivor of a brain tumour that would have killed her if she'd waited for treatment in Canada. The problem with that story is that it's a total lie; she only had a mild cyst, and one that the American insurance companies would have refused to treat, by the way, because it was a pre-existing condition. Then she has the further nerve to sue the Ontario government for health expenses that she racked up ENTIRELY of her own free will. Yeah, good luck with that.

I'm slotting the mainstream media in for this as well because they very rarely -- if ever -- stood up to any of these pundits for their bullshit. Holmes was never personally questioned about her fake story, even by her local newspaper; Sarah Palin and Betsy McCaughey were never asked to prove any of their accusations by so-called "real" journalists -- it took Jon Stewart of all people to illustrate to the public that McCaughey was talking completely out of her ass, and sure enough she lost her lobbying job the next day. Guys, when comedians and bloggers are doing a better job than you at that thing called journalism, something's seriously wrong

The Oxford Community Police, in Woodstock, Ontario, for their absolutely absurd level of incompetence, in handling the abduction and murder of Tori Stafford. Most people in Ontario already know the drill by now, but for anyone else I'll give you the short version. Tori was taken from her school back in the spring, by a woman who no one knew. This was filmed on a surveillance camera, as well. But for reasons that no one has ever explained very well, the Oxford Police refused for the longest time to treat the case as a kidnapping. This is despite the fact that a child being taken by a stranger and both going missing, IS abduction under Canadian law. Sure enough, Tori was eventually declared dead, and her remains discovered several months later.

Exactly how Tori died remains unknown at this time, but I have always maintained that if she wasn't murdered soon after being taken, then she may be alive today if the Oxford cops didn't drag their feet. Sadly, this part of the case has gone very quiet in the grand scheme of this investigation.

The World Health Organization and the media at large, for creating this totally unnecessary panic over the H1N1 flu virus. First they call it the "swine flu" for no particular reason, crippling already struggling farmers. Then they make it sound like the worst plague since The Black Death, when all credible research -- and actual cases around the world -- have shown it to actually be less dangerous than the usual flu virus. And they do this repeatedly. My personal favourite, is when the WHO recently gave this advice to anyone who is sick from the virus: No joke, they said to "seek medical attention". Really! See a doctor, no shit! I was just going to sit in my living room for a few days until my family has either died or turned into zombies.

Finally, The Niagara Crown Attorney's office/Ontario Premier Dalton McGuinty et al. /Hamilton City Hall, for doing fuck all in general. McGuinty's distaste for solid action is already well known to residents of Caledonia, who've had to suffer through a hostile Native land occupation for the last three years, while the Ontario Provincial Police refuse to enforce the law -- unless you're a WHITE citizen -- and McGuinty and Ottawa each dodge any responsibility for the land claim. More recently, he's been dogged by problems in the Health ministry, under George Smitherman, who has now decided to run for the mayor of Toronto. I guess time will tell, as to whether or not his opponents will bring up the many millions of dollars embezzled by the eHealth program, or the hundreds of people who died from a huge C. Difficile outbreak, both of which happened under Smitherman's watch with no action at all taken by McGuinty. His successor, on the other hand, DID resign to save face.

The inaction by McGuinty's government took an even more outrageous turn when the Niagara Crown Attorney's office inexplicably dropped charges against James Cedar, an admitted peeping tom who continues to stalk his next-door neighbours. Yet strangely, the authorities in the same area thought that a protest by senior citizens against their hospital being closed, somehow warranted arrests.

As for Hamilton City Hall, they spent a huge amount of time bickering and putting their heads in the sand, when the recession caused one of our two major steel makers to shut down -- a very big deal in this town. More importantly though, when the lower parts of the city were flooded due to old and crumbling sewers, and an emergency meeting was called to try to fix it, Councilor Bob Bratina pulled the plug on it as soon as any notion of a city insurance plan was proposed. This sabre-rattling needlessly postponed help to thousands of already impoverished families, whose homes are all but uninsurable because of the frequent flooding problems. Oh, and guess where councilors Brian McHattie and Russ Powers were, during this disaster -- apparently they were on summer vacation and couldn't be bothered to show their fucking faces.

So you can probably guess how shocked I was when -- through Toronto -- Hamilton got a big piece of the Pan Am games. And you can probably guess how much I'm expecting them to fuck this up, too.

There you have it, everyone. Those are the official nominees for the 2009 Douchebag of the Year. Please leave your notes, comments, e-mails, and video responses to vote -- the deadline will be December 18th, and the winner will be announced on New Year's Eve. That's it for me.

Sunday, November 15, 2009

Maine Homophobes II

Is it just me, or is the so-called "Moral Majority" not even trying to look respectable or rational anymore? Just a couple of days after I posted my rant about Maine voting to revoke same-sex marriage, this prick called JarodysCampaign -- who lost an election for city councillor down there -- said to me that the definition of marriage MUST be "one man and one woman", that the gay camp was the only one that made it a rights issue, that being gay is a choice... you know, the usual horseshit. And if you think I'm going to just let this be, you clearly haven't seen the show.

Let's start with this business about the definition of marriage "clearly" being between one man and one woman... well, according to who? Depending on which religion or denomination or culture you ask, marriage can be defined as all sorts of combinations of human, not all of them simply one man and one woman. In fact, in ancient times same-sex marriage was quite common, not that the Christian Right will ever acknowledge it, because it requires them to read a book not endorsed by The 700 Club. Jarody's argument that he's helped restore the "original" form is also very dubious, when you consider that the original form not only forbade marrying outside of your race or religion, but by and large women had no choice in who they were going to marry -- AND more often than not, it was done as little more than a business deal. Not to mention it was not only common but expected, that the husband would keep a mistress -- NOT THAT KIND OF MISTRESS! Thank you... The point is, marrying out of love is a fairly new phenomenon, despite what the so-called family values clan says. If anyone out there doesn't believe me, I suggest that you go to a very special building in your town: it's called a library.

Oh and I'd be neglegent if I didn't point out there are parts of The Bible -- like Deuteronomy 21 -- that say it's totally fine for a man to force a woman to marry him, as a sort of war trophy. I'd also be sloppy if I didn't point out that it was totally normal for marriages to happen at age 12, in those days. Wow, how loving and godly.

Incidentally, this same man also claimed that by criticizing a clearly discriminatory point of view like his, I'm being a Constitutional Revisionist. Really? Does that mean he also thinks that mixed marriage, decriminalized homosexuality, women's rights, desegregation, and even the separation of church and state should all be revoked? What about the partonizingly named "Defense of Marriage Act", which only exists to discriminate against gays? By the way, I just love how a guy like him shuts down critics by saying that he won't talk to people who are intolerant -- that's like a Neo-Nazi slamming people who have issues with swastikas.

He's also one of those who dismisses gays as a whole, by saying that being gay is a choice. Um yeah, do you ever notice how you almost always hear this bullshit from people who have either never had a non-judgemental talk with a homosexual, or never willingly talked to one at all? Now I know that science isn't entirely sure what does cause homosexuality, but there are a couple of things that are certain. One is that since it's found in animals all the time, that pretty much destroys any argument that it is unnatural. The second is that there is NO evidence whatsoever, that people actually choose to be gay.

Furthermore, at the risk of ripping off David Cross, try actually thinking this attitude through a little. Even in this supposedly enlightened part of the world, if anyone even THINKS you're gay, then no matter how young or old you are, you are going to be harrassed, assaulted, singled-out, discriminated against, raped, or murdered solely because of what gender you're supposedly attracted to. Not only that, but you can't count on The Powers That Be to do anything about it -- they may ignore your troubles, or simply say you got what you deserved. This includes many of the supposedly moral and upstanding people in the church. Wow, that really sounds like a life I'd want to live.

By the way, don't even get me started on the arguments that "You support gay marriage, so you must be gay", or "What did the Christian Right take away?" Seriously, do you idiots not hear yourselves talk? Do you really not understand how stupid you sound?

The cold-bloodedness and hypocrisy of the "traditional values" people never ceases to amaze me. They call themselves devout Christians more often than not, but even I know that Jesus said to let what is the government's, belong to the government. Kind of like He also said to judge not, lest ye be judged, to live a non-capitalist life, and to live as a community -- not that the Moral Majority likes to hear any of those things either. And let's not forget, they called the same-sex laws in Maine undemocratic, even though they were voted in freely by the elected senate. It seems really convenient to me, that of all the things they could get nitpicky about in politics, it's things that give rights to people they despise for no good reason. I bet you they'd never go to this much trouble, if the same senate declared that only conservative Christians be allowed to vote. Enough said.

Saturday, November 14, 2009

Sarah Palin's Delusions

So Sarah Palin's memoirs come out this week -- do your own jokes -- and among other things, she slams the media for supposedly being biased.

Are you freaking kidding me? Even if every reporter outside of Fox News is magically liberal-biased, apparently the thought has never crossed her mind that she wouldn't have been so easily painted as a complete twit if she didn't act like one in the first place. Take it from a seasoned video editor -- you can't create something that big, out of thin air.

I'll also never understand why the die-hard conservatives STILL think that Palin would be good for any public office (even though the Republicans mostly have the sense to stay away from her now). I'm sorry, I do try to be fair to "the other side" when I can, but with her it's impossible: never mind her politics, she's so stupid that she actually makes George W. Bush look like a genius. I don't buy the books claims about her being well-read, there is NOTHING going on upstairs, in any picture or footage I've seen of her.

To be fair, maybe that's not all stupidity -- people have been known to go nuts with cabin fever in remote parts of Alaska, so maybe she just snapped and no one did anything about it. Either way, I wouldn't trust her to keep an eye on an empty parking lot, never mind run a large country and its soldiers.

Monday, November 9, 2009

Tarantino Refund

For a change of pace, here's some random entertainment news: Quentin Tarantino, through the Japanese distributor for Inglorious Basterds, is offering refunds to anyone who finds the movie so boring that they walk out on it. One question: why was this only offered in Japan, for this movie? I wouldn't be surprised if a lot of audiences elsewhere might have wanted that deal too.

Now to be fair, I haven't seen the movie, partly because war movies don't really interest me, and partly because I think Eli Roth is a psycho in real life. However, I have seen Tarantino's last three movies, on the big screen, and they not only bored me plenty of times, but so many scenes overstayed their welcome that I think the only reason the studios didn't recut any of them is because they usually make money. Take the Kill Bill movies for instance -- good stories, fine action scenes, great soundtrack, but there were so many sideplots that had nothing to do with the main story. Not only that, but there were quite a few scenes that made their points, and kept on going anyway.

Death Proof is an even better example; decent acting for an exploitation send-up, good soundtrack, and the chase scene might be the best I've ever seen... but the entire first half of the movie didn't even need to be there. Even in the shorter version wedged into Grindhouse, we spent a good forty minutes hearing a group of stuck-up women babble about absolutely NOTHING, before getting wiped out and replaced with a group of slightly-more likeable stunt-women who babble about... mostly nothing. Honestly, if you search for the chase scene on YouTube, you've pretty much got the best part of the movie right there.

Now look, I agree that Tarantino is clever as a storyteller, and for movies that are usually giant homages they do feel more fresh than much of what comes out of Hollywood, but Midas he ain't. He loves to hear himself write, and his sense of focus and pace are TERRIBLE. Maybe the only thing he's done since Reservoir Dogs and Pulp Fiction that I've liked, is that CSI episode he did a few years ago -- maybe because television is rigidly timed. Maybe he did learn some lessons since then, but I think I'll wait for the DVD before I find out -- that way I might only waste $5 instead of $12. That's it for me.

Sunday, November 8, 2009

Maine Homophobes

Remember how Maine voted in the senate to legalize same-sex marriage a few months ago? Well, that didn't stick. There was a referendum on it in several states, and just like in California, the Christian Right saw to it that now, gay marriage is once again illegal. Congratulations, you bigoted fucks, you've once again demonstrated that you're not content to simply try to stop equal rights, you're fine with taking them away once they've either been democratically earned, or given by courts that actually understand what the Constitution is for. Never mind that gay marriage never had any effect on so-called traditional marriage, that churches in America were never forced to perform them, and that gay rights do no harm to families whatsoever -- the idea of sodomites having the same rights as straights is always a bad thing to you. Go fuck yourselves.

By the way, I'd be neglegent if I didn't point out two other problems with their tactics -- leaving aside that they can't possibly claim to not be homophobic when they've personally referred to homosexuals as a cancer. You guys say that legalizing same sex marriage is an assault on freedom of religion, but what about the churches that genuinely have no problem with gay marriage? You just violated THEIR freedom of religion, you hypocrites! Second thing, what would you say to other bigots who would be enabled by your movement, to do any of the following: ban interracial marriage, forbid atheists and pagans from marrying, or even make being gay a crime again? After all, there are those who say that that has to be done, to protect Christian American families, too.

I'm sorry, but I have absolutely no respect for the sort of people who proudly discriminate against total strangers, who've done no harm at all to them, and then have the nerve to say they're protecting family values. The only families that I know of, who teach hate and prejudice, are families in the KKK and Aryan Brotherhood. And conservatives wonder why the rest of the world thinks they're intolerant? Enough said.

Friday, November 6, 2009

About Fort Hood

As we all know by now, an army psychiatrist and another soldier went berserk in the Fort Hood US Army base, killing or wounding about 40 people before being taken into custody.

The disgusting thing is that even more this man was revealed to be of Arabic descent (which Fox News sure didn't hesitate to jump on), there were people commenting on blogs and forums, "This is a war on Islam!" (of course they conveniently forget that just about every other mad shooter or domestic terrorist in American history has been a white man).

Right wingers have accused me and the left of slamming them unnecessarily when it comes to attitudes towards ethnics, but honestly what more proof do you need that North America as a whole is much more racist than it wants to admit? They insist that Islam as a whole is a brutal religion, based on no more than the actions of some fanatics (though of course no one is allowed to judge Christianity on the same grounds). Whenever some kind of trouble erupts, not only do they assume it's a Muslim doing it, but if they are right, they want to just lynch the person on the spot -- no trial, no due process, no nothing. Yet if the same thing happens to any other ethnic or religious group on the other side of the world, we call it a travesty.

Furthermore, when Oklahoma City was bombed, or Columbine High School shot up, I don't recall a single person saying that all the white people and/or Christians should be kicked out or killed. Enough said.

Monday, November 2, 2009

Peeping Tom in St. Catherines

I've let this slide for far too long. Look, I'm not one of those who insists on fire and brimstone for everyone who commits a crime, but there are a lot of days when someone does break the law in Canada, and I want to smack some of the authorities upside the head for how they react to it. My current favourite is this guy in St. Catherines named James Cedar, who was caught on a security camera peeping into someone's living room, and masturbating while watching two teenage girls. Naturally, their mother called the police, and not only was he charged with criminal harassment, but he voluntarily confessed -- kind of hard not to, mind you, but I digress. You'd think this would be an open and shut case, but for some reason the Crown attorney dropped the charges, and the excuses being given for it just get dumber and dumber all the time.

The first reason for it was -- are you ready for this? -- Cedar wasn't using night-vision equipment, or a ladder, to spy on the girls. Exactly what difference does that make? Peeping on girls is peeping on girls, isn't it? Then the Crown said that it's because this was supposedly his first offence. Now leaving aside for a minute that this is actually NOT true -- he once drilled a peephole at a KFC that he used to work at -- it's not much of a secret that sex offenders have a very high re-offending rate, and that peeping usually escalates into much worse things. A great case in point is Paul Bernardo, another St. Catherines peeper, who is now known as the worst serial rapist and murderer in Canadian history.

But the one that takes the cake is one that was just made public in the last week: the Crown felt there was no reasonable prospect for conviction. Did you catch that alright? Let's recap: James Cedar was caught on VIDEO -- VERY CLEARLY -- snooping around his neighbour's yard, peeking through windows, while he's playing with himself. He confessed to the police what he did. He left finger and face prints on the windows. What more does the Crown need, to actually be there when it happens??

The scary thing is that at the rate this fucker's going, they might get that chance. Ever since all of this started, the man has sued his victims for putting up that security camera, routinely harassed them, and has put up cameras of his own, some of them pointing right at the family's bed and bathrooms. The police have been very diligent about this, but when the local prosecutors don't know their asses from their elbows, not much is going to be done about this. The funny thing is that much of Ontario is asking these chuckleheads just what the hell they're waiting for, and no one seems willing to answer that. That's our justice system at work, folks. By the way, while I'm usually hesitant to take a page from Perverted's rule book, if you want to have a word with the St. Catherines Crown office, their phone number is 905-685-4293. Enough said.

Friday, October 23, 2009

Harper doesn't follow Canadian news?

Honestly, I'm not in the least bit surprised -- most conservatives these days (Canadian and American alike) prefer to only hear what they want to hear, rather than actually look at the world around them and find the facts.

Monday, September 21, 2009

Jewish Defense League (terrorists) accepted in Canada

This was originally printed in today's Toronto Star.

JDL considered `terrorist' in U.S.

Re:Mom, daughter too frightened

to stay at event, Letter Sept. 19

Sadly, I'm not at all surprised by the near-riot that the letter writer suggests was being stewed by the Jewish Defence League. While the group is treated as a noble humanitarian group, their charter actually encourages intimidation and violence to further their goals.

Not only that, but in the United States and abroad, they have been linked to several beatings and murders, usually politically motivated. That is why, in the U.S. and abroad, the JDL has been declared a terrorist group.

Yet in Canada – for reasons no one is willing to explain – the JDL is welcomed with open arms. What is the matter with this country?

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

Re: Obama's School Lecture

I didn't see Barack Obama's lecture to high school students, but according to everyone who did see it, it was basically a talk on the importance of trying hard not only in school, but life. You are in charge of your own destiny, there is no excuse to not try, that sort of thing.

So why are so many Americans so pissed about the very idea of the President talking to their children, that they pressured schools to not participate in the lecture? Why are they so convinced that Obama has a hidden socialist agenda, when there has been little to no evidence of this at all?

I don't know, but frankly I'm getting incredibly sick and tired of it by now. While I have little patience for the narrow-minded to begin with, for Obama haters to constantly resort to lies and fear-mongering is BEYOND stupid. If you want to criticize someone -- and be taken seriously by anyone with an I.Q. of above 15 -- it's not hard to try using facts and an even temper. Why won't American conservatives even try that, it seems?

Further, I have to ask, would these same people be getting their knickers in a knot if it were the dim-witted fanatic Sarah Palin giving this lecture? (man I can't picture much worse role models for young women than her) Would they be so upset, if it were the same words, out of... oh I don't know... Bill Clinton?

I thought America was "the land of the free", so why are so many of the people living there acting like it's their personal gulag?

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Hamilton Flooding

This past Sunday, South-Western Ontario was hit with a massive thunderstorm, dumping 100 millimetres of rain -- or more -- on our area. My hometown of Hamilton was no exception, with many areas of the lower east side not only flooded, but turned into small lakes. That's not only because of the lower land levels, but because the sewers in that area have been weak and unstable for at least 26 years. Homes are flooded out so often that many residents can't even get insurance anymore. So with Hamilton City Hall holding an emergency meeting on this issue, I for one hope that they're finally going to actually do something about it.

The thing is, while this storm is a so-called Hundred Year Storm, that part of town gets flooded at least a few times every year -- that's why insurance is such a hassle there. So this is by no means a new problem, yet to a large extent all we hear from our local politicians is some bellyaching on fixing this disaster waiting to happen, and actual work being done at a snail's pace. While Sunday's thunderstorm was -- hopefully -- a relatively rare incident, one has to wonder what Hamilton is waiting for, if this won't be enough for them to take the issue seriously? Will homes have to be washed away, like the Lower Ninth Ward of New Orleans? Will already poor residents have to abandon homes that they can't afford to constantly repair? Will residents have to die in the hundreds? What does it take before this city finally gets off its apathetic ass and does something??

To be fair, some city councillors, such as Sam Merulla, want Hamilton to compensate flood victims for property damage. Again, with insurance not being an option, this is definitely understandable. However, I have to wonder what good this does in the long run; never mind that the settlements probably won't be very large, doesn't this do the same thing he criticizes the Pan Am games bid for: divert money away from larger problems? While this might sound heartless in the short term, I think that what should be done is that ALL available tax money go straight to replacing the sewers -- until that is done, it should not only be top priority, but the only priority. That way, residents won't need to worry about their basements flooding again.

Ladies and gentlemen, if you feel as strongly about this issue as I do, then I urge you all to contact Hamilton City Hall and let the mayor and councillors know that this is not a problem that can be ignored anymore. Even if you aren't from Hamilton, if you're worried about people losing their homes and lives because of a man-made problem, PLEASE write or call the people who have the power to fix it. The Mayor's phone number is 905-574-3733, and the City's web address is That's it for me.

Monday, July 27, 2009

Health Care and Shona Holmes

Much fuss has been made lately, about Barack Obama's plan to give Americans universal health care. Conservatives -- being the greedy little shits that they are -- are so adamant about stopping this, that they're resorting to an interesting propaganda move to discredit it. They enlisted Canadian citizen Shona Holmes, who claims to have had a brain tumor that was nearly fatal. She further claims that because of a six month wait for treatment, she had no choice but to mortgage her house, borrow money, and otherwise scrape together $100,000 to get treated in the U.S. According to her and those who want for-profit health care, this is a sign that our health care system is a disaster waiting to happen. Guys... go fuck yourselves.

Now that may seem harsh, but there's a reason I'm saying it. For one thing, the so-called tumour was in fact a Cleft Cyst on her pituitary gland, which is not life-threatening at all. Furthermore, there are countless Canadians who genuinely do have cancer, and yet manage to get quick treatment without much of a problem. I don't deny that wait times and coverage blind spots are a problem in our health care system, but as far as anyone can tell the issues described by Holmes simply don't exist. Try being disabled, a senior citizen, or having a rare but deadly illness in Ontario and THEN you can complain about OHIP's shortcomings.

If I may inject a personal story, I can tell you first hand that our hospitals are actually pretty well on the ball. Over a year ago I fell head-first into a sidewalk -- a very similar injury to the one that would later kill Natasha Richardson, so needless to say there was a lot of reason to be concerned. Within two hours of my fall, I was in an emergency room, examined by the doctors, given a clean bill of health, and discharged. The point is, if a need presents itself, our system will bend over backwards to meet it -- all without charging huge fees, I might add.

At the risk of sounding a bit like Michael Moore, it's no secret that the current system in America is the bigger disaster -- millions of Americans can't get health insurance, and the ones that do, often get their claims rejected because some bean counters think that things like heart surgery and tumour removal aren't critical procedures. Private insurance companies are after one thing alone: making a profit, and they don't care if people die to give them that. Frankly, it's my belief that the people who support private health care, just want to legally kill the lower-middle class.

If you still want proof that this whole story from Shona Holmes is a crock, think about this. Even though she hates Canadian medicare, even though she took it upon herself to raise the money to get treated abroad, she's still suing the Ontario government for her health expenses. Yeah, she really sounds like a noble person, doesn't she. Enough said.

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Jackson Conspiracies

Okay... Doors locked and bolted: check. Windows barred: check. Fence electrified: check. Landmines buried in the lawn: check. Neighbour's guard dog borrowed: check. Molotov cocktails: on standby. Okay, I'm set. Why all the heavy precautions? Well because a certain member of Michael Jackson's family has been a bit... insane, in public... and pissing off Michael Jackson fans this soon after he died might get me strung up by the online community -- and this is coming from a guy who slags evangelists, cops, starlets, and helicopter parents on a regular basis. But I digress.

According to no less an authority than LaToya Jackson -- who was printed in no less credible a newspaper, than the tabloid News of the World -- her superfamous brother was murdered by unnamed conspirators, to gain his fortune. LaToya claims to know who these alleged assailants are, yet she did not identify them in any way, nor did she offer any proof to support her accusations. Uh huh...

Look, at the risk of saying something a bit low, I must ask... doesn't anyone keep an eye on the Jackson family? You know, like a psychiatrist? As if Michael's slide into total insanity wasn't bad enough -- especially now that he's gone -- I honestly can't remember a time when LaToya was known as anything but a total loon. It's a shame that tabloids -- as well as the other vermin calling themselves entertainment journalists -- are so drawn to this like flies on turds, that they don't care if they're basically enablers. At the very least, this helps the make the family a world-wide laughingstock. At worst, it might encourage them to do something incredibly stupid or dangerous -- something that can't be hushed up or forgotten about. Think about that. That's it for me.

Monday, July 13, 2009

Gay Pride vs. Facist Ottawa

Last week was definitely not a good one for Emperor Harper and his Neo-Conservative government. Not only did he repeatedly embarrass himself at an international conference -- particularly by getting caught in a lie about Liberal Leader Michael Ignatieff -- but here at home his cohorts have gotten in a snit over Tourism grants being given to the Toronto Gay Pride Parade. Evidently, some Conservative backbenchers -- who, apart from Saskatchewan's Brad Trost, didn't have the balls to want to be named -- took great offence to Tourism Minister Diane Ablonczy not only giving a cheque to the parade's organizers, but being photographed alongside drag queens while doing so. I guess it's official -- the Tories don't care about even trying to look tolerant anymore, they're just going to rule by prejudice.

Now look, I know that Gay Pride Parades are touchy in some places, but leave the family values crap be for a minute and pay attention. The whole point of the Tourism Events Program is to promote annual events that attract major tourism and attention to Canadian cities -- and Toronto's Pride events fit that to a T. Also, spare me the complaints about barely-clothed gays and lesbians strutting through the streets and acting kind of raunchy -- for one thing, given that most of that complaining is brought up by right-wing special interest groups who barely think gays are human, my bet is that they're exaggerating to at least some extent. For another thing, in terms of risque behaviour, you can say the same thing about virtually ANY large party in the summer -- Caribanna being a fairly good example -- yet that doesn't cause an uproar. Neither does any other large event, where -- let's be honest -- there's probably some violence, drug abuse, and sex taking place where people generally aren't looking.

In any case, the Tories have flat out stated that their problem with Ms. Ablonczy was that "The TV shots of her with transvestites inflamed some people." Do these really sound like the sort of people you'd WANT to impress? I sure as hell don't want them in charge of my life and liberty, either. Those who support this decision often cry that some so-called gay agenda is being forced down their throats at these parades -- well, personally, whenever I've done the radical thing and actually talked to gays and lesbians, I've never had any political position even talked about, never mind shoved in my face. In fact, if one is really uncomfortable with gay pride events, there's a very easy solution: don't go to them.

Unfortunately, as the new movie Bruno makes very clear, the reason why these sort of complaints are taken seriously is because putting down gays is one of the last socially accepted bigotries that we have anymore. If there was this same outcry over Black Pride, Women's Pride, Indian Pride, French-Canadian Pride, or any other sort of group, then the Tories would get thrown out of office -- and knowing some of their members, probably arrested too. Then again, if it were White Straight Conservative Christian Pride, I bet you that they would not only be welcomed openly, but that Tourism fund would give them a blank cheque. Let's face it, North America is nowhere near as welcome and tolerant as it pretends to be. You just need to be a visible minority in a big city, or in... shall we say, more rural areas... to find that out. That's it for me.

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

Grad Shafting

When the schools wrapped up for the year, a couple of weeks ago, not everyone was happy. No, I don't mean the students who failed their classes. I mean students who worked hard to graduate, only to be denied their diplomas because of mean-spirited administrators. There's a school in Standish, Maine, called Bonny Eagle High. They had their graduation ceremony not too long ago, and when Justin Denney took a bow and blew a kiss to his mom, the superintendent immediately told him he would not be getting his diploma.

Now look, I know that a certain kind of decorum is expected at graduation ceremonies, but what the hell is so out of line about blowing a kiss to a family member? Not only that, but another kid from the same school was nearly arrested because he was tossing a beach ball around -- who's running the schools in this town, Ayatollah Khomeini?

Would someone please be kind enough to remind Superintendent Suzanne Lukas and I, exactly what century we're living in? Or for that matter, what nation the state of Maine is in? I could swear that a brief show of affection is perfectly acceptable under Freedom of Speech rights. I could swear that tossing a beach ball around -- while a faux pas -- is not a felony in this part of the world. One of the comments I'd read about this story, online, hit it pretty much on the head: the graduation is a celebration for the students, not the parents, and not the teachers. If you really have to play hardball with rabble-rousers, worry about the kids who celebrate by binge drinking, or who streak through the auditorium. When blowing a kiss is suddenly grounds for being denied a diploma that you legitimately earned, someone has totally crossed the line, and it ain't the student. Oh, I almost forgot to mention: Justin Denney's dying grandparents were in the audience, and one of their last wishes was to see this young man graduate. Way to drive a stake through their hearts, Ms. Lukas.

Another comment that was raised, relates to something that I cannot check, but will gladly re-iterate: what exactly is the graduation rate of Bonny Eagle High? How well do the students score on state tests? How often are the students in genuine trouble with the law -- like violence and drugs? How many of them are able to find jobs or post-secondary education, even at the best of times? If the majority of the schools under Ms. Lukas' jurisdiction can honestly boast to doing well in this area, then she might have some right to get in a snit over something as trivial as showboating. Until then, madam, pull your head out of your ass, and do your goddamn job. Enough said.

Monday, July 6, 2009

History Bites

By the time anyone sees this, it'll be a few days after Canada Day. Now, it's no secret that Canadians don't get as enthusiastic about national pride as -- for instance -- Americans do. However, what's kind of sad is a study released in mid-June by the Dominion Institute, which says that several Canadian provinces do a very poor job of teaching our history. According to the report, only 4 of our 13 provinces and territories -- Ontario, Quebec, Manitoba and Nova Scotia -- have high school students take Canadian history as a mandatory course. The rest -- except for British Columbia -- just mix it in with social studies. Because of this, no province earned an A on this report card, but 4 provinces and 1 territory did flunk out completely.

It's no wonder that Canada barely seems to have any identity -- apparently whoever is in charge of education in much of this country doesn't care if anyone learns about it. The goofy thing is that in some of these provinces there's no excuse for it -- Prince Edward Island was one of the provinces that flunked, but Canada was FOUNDED here! While I was vacationing here I was easily able to get into Confederation House, where it was decided to unite the remaining British and French colonies in North America. It's like living right along the Mason-Dixon line and not knowing a thing about the Civil War. It's like everybody in Washington not knowing about The Constitution -- oh right, nevermind.

Look, no one expects an entire country of people to be walking encyclopedias, but when a huge amount of our schools don't even bother explaining a thing about our origins, our culture, our values, or our accomplishments... then what are we but a bunch of drones? We're not even copies of Americans, we're just a walking blank slate. The Canadian pavillion at Epcot is probably more educational, and even then it's more like a huge tourism poster. If these schools -- or parents, for that matter -- don't get their acts together, then our flag may as well just turn into a question mark. That's it for me.

Monday, June 29, 2009

Lack of Information Act

As my readers/viewers/hangers-on might know, I recently sent an Access to Information request to the RCMP, to find out what -- if anything -- they are doing about the Jewish Defense League of Canada. This is a known terrorist group, which in the United States is responsible for several assaults and murders, yet for some reason they are treated in Canada as a legitimate authority on the Middle East. Given the fallout towards anyone in this country, who voices support or sympathy for Palestine -- or simply points out that Israel is just as aggressive but with several times the firepower -- I thought it was important to find out how bonafide terrorists are treated in this country.

After much delaying, I got a reply from the RCMP, trying to side-step the issue by saying that because the JDL is based in Markham, it is basically a local matter and the Mounties aren't involved.

Excuse me?

An internationally organized terrorist group is operating on Canadian soil -- very openly -- and for some reason this is shrugged off as a "local problem"? I can't help but wonder, would the RCMP be so complacent, if it were Al Qaeda who had a chapter in Markham?

Friday, May 29, 2009

The Complaint Department (Encore)

Well Season Four of Bored on the Corner is coming to a close, so in the usual tradition I'm taking some parting shots at the issues I touched on in the last couple of months, and in some cases the responses to them.

Former American Vice-President Dick Cheney is still fuming over Barack Obama's wish to close down the prison at Guantanamo Bay -- would someone please explain to this man that giving terrorist suspects a fair trial isn't going to cause the sky to fall, or seas to boil? Honestly, Cheney's rhetoric is such an insult to common sense that it's a wonder that heads haven't exploded over it yet.

After Scottish MP George Galloway was banned from entering Canada, due to his Pro-Palestinian views and actions, he has sued the Canadian government for falsely accusing him of terrorism. I'm all for this, something needs to be done about the appalling double-standard in this country that says it's perfectly fine for Israel to shoot families and blow up hospitals, but donating medicine and diapers to Palestine is somehow siding with mass murderers. Incidentally, I've made an Access to Information Request to the RCMP, asking why they don't seem to be keen on shutting down the Jewish Defence League -- a very well known terrorist group, operating in Canada -- so far, there has been no response.

Evidently my rant about Twitter didn't fare very well -- possibly due to the scene where I jokingly go into a psychotic fit over how much the social networking sites on the internet just rip each other off, or spawn a ton of useless features. Alright, I won't try to be funny anymore, or go after pop culture. Ah who am I kidding, I've got an opinion and I'm sharing it dammit.

When I went after the continuing melodrama from the Christian Right, over gay marriage, I had this response from "IanLowen". He said, "Even if you are not Christian, you still cannot change a definition to fit your convenience." Once again, conservatives do not pay attention to a thing I say. First of all, show me where in the American Constitution, it says that only religious conservatives have rights? Second, open a history book: the definition of marriage has already changed a lot over time; back in the stone age it was defined as a caveman smashing a woman over the head, dragging her to his home, and raping her. More recently, it was just an elaborate business transaction. So stop using this bullshit about gays trying to destroy traditional marriage, unless your idea of picking up women involves carrying a club.

Speaking of gay marriage, I withdraw my sympathy for Carrie Prejean, aka Miss California. I'd previously stood up for her, after she got dragged through the mud by Perez Hilton over her views on same-sex marriage. I originally respected that she supposedly supported the choice, if not the philosophy itself... too bad she later turned around and said on national television that it shouldn't be around at all.

In more recent news, with the recession in such dire shape that Canadians from coast to coast are screaming at Ottawa to fix our pathetic Employment Insurance system -- or do ANYTHING besides waste millions of dollars on pet projects -- all we get from Emperor Stephen Harper are weak excuses, and ads on TV that go after Liberal Leader Michael Ignatieff for having lived outside of Canada for over thirty years. So let me get this straight: a private citizen spending much of his adult life abroad is somehow a travesty, yet wasting time and public money on things that the people of this country hate and don't need, is good leadership? Get the fuck out of town.

Finally, I got some pretty hostile comments -- all from one person -- when I attacked the Oxford Police's handling of Tori Stafford's abduction and murder. In a nutshell, I was screamed at publicly for having such a strong opinion, and allegedly not doing anything direct to help search for the girl when she was believed to be alive. First of all, I don't recall it ever being said that I have to proclaim myself to be directly involved in a hot-button issue, in order to have a point of view. Canada -- at the moment -- still has Freedom of Speech. Second of all, there wasn't a lot I could have done; Woodstock is a part of the country I have hardly ever been to, I don't have a way to really get there, and even if I did, the Oxford Police were so stupid that they called off all searches mere days after Tori was taken. When the OPP came in to clean up that mess, they already had all the ground covered, so pretty much all I could have done was what I did anyway: keep Tori's name and face in the public eye.

I was also criticized somewhat for saying that the Oxford Police should be punished for their lax attitude towards the whole case -- I concede that my language at the time was more vicious than it needed to be, but the point still stands. The Oxford Police had every reason and oppourtunity to treat Tori's vanishing as a kidnapping, but they didn't. For some reason, a video that they insist shows a stranger walking Tori away from school doesn't constitute an abduction to them, though I suspect a lawyer or judge would disagree. At the very least, this was both stupid and extremely negligent. Therefore, I still maintain that unless Tori died before or just after she was reported missing, then the Oxford Police are partially responsible for her death, by their inexcusable lack of action. They are not only expected to, but paid to protect the public from these sort of crimes, and they dropped the ball for seemingly no good reason. If the officers in question are not willing or able to use some judgement and do their jobs, then they should find another line of work.

The good news about all of this is that I'm not the only one having these thoughts; since I pay attention to the world around me, and the way people think, I know for a fact that thousands -- even millions of people -- are equally pissed off at this bullshit. So to all the stupid and power tripping people out there, consider this a warning: you are being watched, and you are already wearing out your welcome. Push us further at your own risk. Enough said.

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Thin Skins

This has got to be a record: literally within seconds of posting one of my previous ramblings, I found an article that prompted a new rant. It seems that Miley Cyrus has been so bothered by people calling her fat on the Internet, that she's gone out of her way to post a response asking them not to do that, because it hurts peoples' feelings.

Oh suck it up, you wimp.

Now look, I know that cyberbullying can be vicious -- we all know about the Megan Meier case, where Lori Drew made up a fake identity to rip apart an ex-friend of her daughter's, and taunted her into committing suicide. However, this isn't really in the same ballpark as a gutless loser calling you fat.

Here's a reality check: people -- girls and women especially -- get called fat all the time. It's one of the most common and lame ways there is, to put someone down. Frankly, I learned at a young age that if THAT'S the best someone can do, then they're not worth paying attention to. Hell, these days I get called much worse stuff than that all the time -- there's this one lunatic on MySpace who regularly calls me a demon-spawn and terrorist because I'm not a Christian extremist -- but I don't give a shit. Hang around YouTube or Facebook for a while and you'll find all sorts of vicious things -- last week someone I went to school with threatened (no, I'm sorry, PROMISED) to rip my ass off, because I had the audacity to even post rants at all, never mind criticizing the Oxford Police's handling of the Tori Stafford case. Do you know what I do? I usually just ignore it, but if things really get bad, then I block and report the asshole doing it. After that I often forget about it, and if it gets to me at all, it just gives me a reason to keep going.

So honestly, the fact that Miley Cyrus is getting in such a snit over just being called fat, shows that she's got a pretty bad grasp of the real world. When you're in the public eye at all, you're going to get people calling you names -- so if you want peace and quiet, get out of show business. Also, have you actually READ some of the crap people post on the internet? When it comes to flaming someone, half the time it's so garbled it might as well have been written by a drunken retard -- and Miley's getting her knickers in a knot over THAT? Please -- get over it, honey, there are much bigger problems out there. That's it for me.

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Too Late for Tori

You may recall that a few weeks ago, Bored on the Corner was one of many outlets trying to raise awareness of the kidnapping of eight year old Victoria Stafford, of Woodstock, Ontario. It greatly unnerves me to report that this awareness was in vain -- on Wednesday, May 20, two people were charged in Tori's murder.

I am not simply outraged at the fact this girl's life was taken so senselessly -- though there is plenty of outrage to go around. I am appalled by the fact that for two weeks after Tori was taken, the local police did practically nothing. I can't possibly be the only one thinking that if the Oxford Community Police had gotten their acts together right away -- and treated it as an abduction right away -- maybe Tori would still be alive right now. If that's true, "officers", then I have no problem telling you that you do not deserve to wear those uniforms -- you have neglected, if not betrayed, everything those uniforms stand for. May Tori's blood be forever on your hands. That's it for me.

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Godless Girl Guides?

You know something, as secular as I am, I can't help but thank God for the Canadian Family Action Coalition. That's because, as dangerous and insane as I truly believe they are, they at least give me something to do, through these rants and ravings of mine. The latest thing happened last week, when the Girl Guides of Canada proposed changing its oath, to remove references to God or faith. This means that now the guides promise to be true to themselves, and Canada, and to help others. Admittedly, the change may be redundant, since the guides are allowed to substitute "God" with whatever faith they wish... but sure enough Charles McVety and his goons are still mad as hell.

McVety's shtick for years has been to cry that Christianity is somehow being erased from Canada, just because non-believers are becoming more vocal about not wanting to be ignored by public institutions -- you know, that little thing called "Freedom of Belief", which McVety falsely claims that Atheists, Pagans, etc. don't have. I swear, leave it to this idiotic hack to not only make a mountain out of a molehill, but to make it sound like Christians are being put in prison camps, just because people actually expect this country to follow its own laws.

Leaving aside that being religious does not guarantee living a moral life -- as the entire Christian Right makes abundantly clear -- the proposed new pledge, still mandates helping other people and doing honourable deeds. Their Guiding Law still demands the Girl Guides to be honest and trustworthy, not waste resources, respect themselves and others, protect their communities, and live with courage and strength. For anyone who actually cares about what Jesus taught in The Gospel, this should be more than enough. Yet, because a reference to one specific belief system is being taken out, to follow that very law, Mr. McVety is crying that the world is going to end.

This is nuts -- as if McVety's lying and buffoonery in trying to block pro-gay films from being made in this country wasn't embarassing enough, he keeps playing the damnation card on a piece of complete trivia. Given that his group claims to be concerned with Family Values, maybe they ought to focus on something that really matters in that area, like the fact that more and more families these days live below the poverty line, or can't get a doctor -- oh no, I forgot, they say on their own web site that public assistance and health care are evil socialist views. But I digress -- Charles, stop making an ass of yourself, and save your hot air for things that actually matter, instead of continuing to defile everything that your Lord and saviour stood for. Enough said.

Monday, May 11, 2009

Miley and The Octomom

Since yesterday was Mother's Day, I'm taking this occasion to once again slag poor upbringing. These days, especially in the public eye, it's hard to find a better example than Nadya Suleman, aka "The Octomom" (TM). Yeah, I know I'm a bit late to the party on that one, but let's face it, this dingbat will probably be right up my alley, until the day she fricking dies. Just like celebrity culture and so-called "family values" will be, until the day I die.

I mean, it's really hard to take seriously, someone who entered the public eye looking like a complete idiot, and went downhill from there. Since keeping up is a bit of a challenge, let's recap: in 2001, she had six kids through in-vitro fertilization. This is hectic enough for most people, but she had the added problem of being both single and unemployed at the time. Not to mention, one of her children is autistic, and with all due respect to autistic people, raising a handicapped child is a full-time job by itself. You'd think that she'd stop here, and focus her energy on the family she's got, but no; she decides to get another implantation, deliberately carrying and delivering eight more babies, thus the nickname "Octomom" (TM). By the way, not only has she not held a single job in over ten years, but she was on public assistance when she had the octuplets. Even better, but she's been relying on friends and elderly family members to help make this little circus of hers work.

But of course, since indignant righteousness is one of humanity's defining qualities, she cannot understand why her life has turned into a tabloid feeding frenzy, public relations nightmare, and a drawn-out punchline, ever since she first made the news. Well look, numbnuts, I'll explain it to you: you're barely in a position to have any kids at all, yet you took it upon yourself to spawn a small city, while so many people right now are either starving, or sleeping in a gutter somewhere. On top of that, instead of actually acting like a mother to the kids you already had, including one with severe problems, you decided to breed even more, making it impossible to nurture any of them properly, especially when you're on welfare. That's not being a responsible parent, that's being Grade-A stupid. Add to that, the fact that not only have you actually trademarked the term "Octomom" (TM), but you're actually agreeing to a reality-show deal, like those self-absorbed pricks on Jon and Kate Plus 8, and people are right to wonder if you're just after this for fame and fortune. I can guarantee lady, in fifteen or twenty years, most -- if not all -- of your kids are going to be seriously screwed up by all of this exposure, so if I were you I'd either close down the show completely, or make sure you save up every last cent for a good psychiatrist. You're going to need it.

Speaking of funky family values, last week Miley Cyrus added her name to the list of celebrities claiming that they will abstain until marriage -- I use those words, because Britney Spears, Katie Holmes, and several others said the same thing and didn't follow through on it. Anyway, Cyrus says that her statement, is due to her strict Christian upbringing... is this the same upbringing that she had, when she posed in those half-nude photos, some of them in very creepy poses with her dad? Anyway, if Cyrus wants to set a wholesome example, fine -- she can put her money where her mouth is, by volunteering in shelters for homeless women and teen mothers. Especially teen mothers who were kicked out of their homes, thanks to some barbaric notion of shame to the family -- you know, a strict Christian upbringing. Miley, if you're going to get on a soapbox and talk about Jesus, first do what He did, and actually help those who are already in trouble. Then you're in a much better position to preach about morals and decency.

So as I close this tribute to those who continue to make humanity the biggest practical joke in the cosmos, let me say thank you to those who do know what parenting is about: those who encourage their children to explore, and to question, and to develop their own personalities... as opposed to just being puppets for narcissists that are starved for attention. Thank you, for not being like these dimwits. Enough said.

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

Brains on the Sidewalk

When I ranted last year, about bike riders who don't seem to know what they're doing, I forgot to mention a very big problem: not many seem to wear a helmet. We all know you're supposed to do it -- in some places, it's even the law -- but then again we all know that you shouldn't drive drunk or without a seatbelt, and look at how well that works. This is probably going to be yet another thing, where the only people who'll listen to me, are the ones who already know not to be this stupid, but I've got to say it anyway.

The other day, while on the job, I saw a thirteen or fourteen year old girl riding her bike, and not only was she not wearing a helmet, but she did something else that just about gave me chills. She was letting her little brother ride on the handlebars -- and he's maybe seven years old. For some reason, this idea is almost considered romantic in some ways, but this is just completely insane. The whole reason people get paranoid about bicycle safety is that if you fall off the thing or hit something, you're just going to shoot head-first into the closest hard surface.

Let me put it this way: earlier this year, actress Natasha Richardson slipped on a ski slope, hit her head on regular ground, and died in two or three days. If falling into a normal hill can kill a fully grown adult, what do you think would happen to a seven year old, taking a skull-plant into cement?

If I ever become crazy enough to have kids, this is definitely something I won't sit still for. Any son or daughter of mine who rides a bike, WILL wear a helmet, even if I have to duct tape it on. Any son or daughter of mine who rides someone else's handlebars, will be automatically grounded, and any son or daughter of mine allowing others to do this on their bikes, will have their bikes taken away. It sounds harsh, and no doubt you won't be on a kid's good side for doing it, but it's better that, than you go to their funeral, and constantly ask yourself why you didn't stop them from dying. Enough said.

Monday, May 4, 2009

Air Force Dumb/PR Fail

Ok, in case anyone thinks that I never go after the left wing in these blogs... apparently you haven't been reading for very long, but no matter. As we know by now, Barack Obama's publicity people had the bright idea last week, of staging a photo op to update their pics of Air Force One. Specifically their idea was to have the Presidential jet fly by the Statue of Liberty, close enough that you could spit on the torch... And do it for real. Hmph, and comedians were saying that Obama wouldn't give them anything to make fun of...

Honestly, how stupid could you possibly be, to think that this was even remotely a good idea? This is New York City -- Ground Zero -- and by now it just MIGHT be at the point, where seeing jetliners at all doesn't give the locals flashbacks. But what does someone want to do? Buzz the fucking shoreline with a 747, being chased by a fucking Harrier, no less! What do these idiots do for an encore, shoot off surprise fireworks at Columbine?!

Furthermore, coming from a video and filmmaking background, I have to ask: have these guys never heard of a thing called PHOTOSHOP? You know, that computer program that lets you stick people's faces onto animals for a joke? Trust me, if effects professionals can take Christopher Lee's head, put it on a 30 year old stuntman, and make him look like he's fighting Sonic the Hedgehog, it's not that hard to add an airplane to a shot of Liberty Island. I was able to do that in college, just to kill time between classes. These PR guys were presumably hired for their skills and creativity, so why did they show neither in a case as blatantly obvious as this? That's it for me.

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Right Wing, Wrong Way

Change is slow. On top of that, the only people who completely embrace it are the ones who didn't like the status quo in the first place. I ought to keep that in mind, when I hear the latest right-wing garbage that attacks Barack Obama, liberals, gay rights, alleged terrorists, or any other conservative targets, but I'm only human. On top of that, I'm someone who was brought up to believe that people should be judged by their actions, rather than what colour their skin is, what church they go to, or who they're in love with. Plus, I place a very high value on not being called a traitor just because I don't like a particular leader. So change may be hard, but it is often necessary, especially when the status quo has failed as spectacularly as it has in the last few years.

Barack Obama recently marked the first 100 days of his presidency, and according to polls, most Americans are very happy with the job he's done so far. On top of that, America is gradually rebuilding its reputation as a diplomatic and innovative leader on the world stage, making amends with countries that previously wanted nothing to do with the U.S. But, if you lurk on political internet forums and blogs for about ten minutes, you'll find no shortage of people who are still utterly convinced that Obama is a Muslim terrorist, the Anti-Christ, a communist, or not even an American citizen. Honestly, this is so stupid and needless that the only good thing about it is its unpopularity.

Leaving aside that his birth in Hawaii is well documented -- at least to anyone actually interested in FACTS -- let's think about this for a minute: Obama was in the running for President for years, so doesn't it make sense that if there was any serious question about where he was born, it would have been caught long before he took office? As for the Muslim theory... leaving aside that Obama's Christian faith is also well documented, the Constitution does not disqualify non-Christians from becoming President. So in case it's not obvious, anyone using a mixed background to criticize Obama is just a bullshitting racist. Period. The Anti-Christ thing is just as stupid, especially since every world leader in recent memory has been compared to Satan at some time or another, and to my knowledge its accuracy rate has been exactly ZERO.

By the way, as long as the right wing is going out of its way to attack Obama as a so-called radical, I'd like to know what they think of the following people: George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, Abraham Lincoln, Winston Churchill, and John F. Kennedy. Not to mention recent conservative radicals like George W. Bush and Sarah Palin, or the all-time conservative poster boy, Jesus -- though I mean the one actually written about in The Bible, not the one invented by the witch-burners and homophobes.

As for the communist thing, that only seems to be there at all because he's a socially progressive politician who wants to reign in extreme capitalism and not threaten to bomb every country in the world with brown people in it. Now look, I've gone on enough for one season about how America supposedly places a high value on social liberties, and anyone who can be bothered to read a non-American news source would see that Bush's Dr. Strangelove antics had made the U.S. into a sick joke on the world stage. As for trying to control capitalism... when the Great Depression hit, another sitting President did the same thing, to get the economy afloat again. His name Franklin Roosevelt, and it was called the New Deal -- guess what? It worked. The whole reason why the economy imploded in the last few years is because several other governments since then have decided to undo everything that FDR put in place. So going after Obama for trying to put it back, is kind of like someone getting a triple heart bypass, and then ordering the doctor to take it all out because he can't eat pork rinds anymore.

In other words, if the extreme right wants to shoot itself in the foot, it can be my guest. But it shouldn't take the rest of the world with it.

Another post-9/11 relic still lurking, is the controversy over Canadian terrorism suspect Omar Khadr. Last week, a Federal Court ordered Prime Minister Stephen Harper to bring Khadr back to Canada for a proper trial, on the grounds that he is not only being railroaded, but he is legally a child soldier and thus we are obligated by law to show some leniency towards him. Being the neo-con fearmongerer that he is, Harper is refusing to do this -- yet another sign that he doesn't give a horse's ass about Canadian law -- claiming, among other things, that Khadr was never a child soldier. Excuse me, Harpo, but the guy was 15 when he was captured -- how in the hell is he NOT a child soldier? And who the hell are you to disobey an order from a federal court, anyway? To those of us who've been keeping score, he thinks he can ignore the Canadian public, Parliament, our Constitution, the Governor General, the actual economy, and finally our Judicial system, whenever he doesn't hear them say, "Yes, Emperor Harper". When is this asshole going to get overthrown?

Finally, there's the kerfuffle caused by American Homeland Security, thanks to Secretary Janet Napolitano. She recently said in an interview on the CBC, that several 9/11 hijackers came to the U.S. from Canada. This has been a long-standing position of the right-wing, thanks to a former CIA director who refused to say what proof he had of that claim, and you know something? It's completely untrue. Sure enough, Napolitano took it back a few days later -- claiming that she misunderstood the question, of course -- but the damage had been done. So not only is the perception of Canada as a terrorism haven in the air again, but it's being supported by none other than former Presidential candidate John McCain.

Now, even if it were true, that the hijackers crossed over from Canada, it does beg the following question: either way, the last stop for the terrorists was the American mainland. The onus of stopping troublemakers at the border, lies with the country about to receive them -- so why did American security and immigration not stop these men from entering THEIR country?

What I'm about to close with, I basically said when I crowned Sarah Palin the Douchebag of 2008, but I'm going to re-use it, because apparently it's not sinking in. Look, you right-wing "freedom lovers" (please note my sarcasm), maybe you haven't noticed, but a lot of people don't like you right now. In fact, a lot of people think that conservatives are completely clueless and psychotic. With statements like what's been coming out of your camp lately, you're not exactly proving them wrong. So if you ever want to legimately get power again, the best thing you could do is dig your heads out of your asses, take a look at life outside of your caves, and get a grip on the real world. To be honest, you're looking more and more like Joe McCarthy all the time, and the only thing he's remembered for is being a paranoid idiot who ruined a lot of innocent lives and nearly tore a country apart. Enough said.

Monday, April 27, 2009

Bored on the Corner vs. Perez Hilton

As my regular viewers know, I'm very much in favour of same-sex marriage, for a variety of reasons. However, that doesn't mean that I like some of the more crass tactics of the left wing, any more than I do the right wing. Case in point, the Miss USA pageant was held a week or so ago, and one of the judges was notorious tabloid blogger Perez Hilton (don't ask me why, let's just play along). During the Q&A portion, he asked Miss California -- Carrie Prejean -- what she thought of same-sex marriage. Her answer was simply that while she personally isn't fond of it, she does like that others can choose it if they wish. Maybe not the most enlightened point of view, but a reasonable one all the same. Mr. Hilton, on the other hand, not only eliminated Prejean from the competition over it, but he wasted no time in calling her a "dumb bitch" pretty much everywhere he could.

Not surprisingly, this attracted a lot of attention and criticism, and not just from predictable sources like conservative pundits. Even people who are moderate or liberal have condemned Hilton's antics, because he basically went out of his way to humiliate Prejean over an opinion that Hilton himself asked to hear. Then again, this is typical of Hilton's history, so I won't beat the dead horse of just how appalling and despicable a so-called human being, he is.

I was talking about this with my friend the other night, and while we were discussing much of the same points I just presented here, it suddenly dawned on me: who the hell cares about Miss California's politics? It's a BEAUTY PAGENT, for fuck's sake, and one that most people don't even notice! I can't remember at all, the last time I even heard of Miss America creating a law, or holding a real office, can you? If Carrie Prejean ever runs for Governor, then we can talk, but until then I can think of about sixty-eight other things I'd rather worry about.

What more can I say? All that Perez Hilton did, was make himself look like an obnoxious and classless asshole, which to him is a full-time job anyway, not to mention do a lot of damage to those of us who really are interested in tolerance and equality. Sometimes I wonder if sooner or later, the real Paris Hilton will wake up to this jerk and say "I've REALLY got to get my name back from this idiot". That's it for me.

Thursday, April 23, 2009

Banning Spray Paint

Last week, we had yet another stupid idea from our group of morons at Hamilton City Hall. If you're not from around here, I should explain: like any large city, we have a pretty heavy graffiti problem. Now, what do our local representatives want to do about it? Make it illegal to sell spray-paint, to people under 18. I can already tell you, it ain't going to work, Bunky!

This blunder is the brain child of Councillor Chad Collins, who has saved me a lot of trouble in poking holes in it, with this pitch: "Any kind of business operation that has aerosol cans for sale, we could implement a licence -- it doesn't have to be a large fee -- similar to cigarettes."

There's just one problem: I know for a fact that this city can't even keep 13 year-olds from buying cigarettes, no matter what laws are thrown at it, so how the hell do they expect an age limit on spray-paint to work?

One of the reasons I find it so enraging at times to be in Hamilton, is that it is really really self-conscious about a clean image, yet it doesn't like to do much about it. We've always had a poor environmental record, but our waste collectors can't be bothered to pick up recycling a lot of times, nor do we do much about the smog spewing from our steel mills. We have road signs all over the place that are falling over, yet the city is adamant that no one talks about it openly. We have a lot of spray paint in public places, yet rather than do something about social assistance and community services -- so the vandals actually have something to do or think about, besides living in this shithole town -- Hamilton just wants to put a small cash grab on the people selling paint. It's known as sweeping something under the rug. That doesn't usually work, either. Enough said.