The Far-Right Proves It's Not Christian

I've mostly avoided talking about the Republican candidates debates, partly because the front-runners are changing all the time, and frankly because they give people like me a little too much material (like, for instance, Mitt Romney campaigning with a white supremacist, on Martin Luther King Day). However, there is a new story that I really have to comment on, if for no other reason than it directly confirming everything I've been saying about today's conservatives.

In case you're new, I'll explain: I loathe the right-wing, particularly in North America. These are pundits and so-called leaders who are increasingly willing to boast a self-proclaimed morality one minute, and yet the next minute will do anything from scrap assistance for malnourished children, to literally encourage people to kill their own countrymen, over public health care. We've been seeing this in spades during the Republican rallies alone; candidates like Newt Gingrich openly vow to fire or arrest people for being liberal, Hermann Cain blamed the poor for being unable to find work (during the worst recession in nearly a century), Rick Santorum has based his whole campaign on bashing gays, blacks, and women (and wondering why he's being bashed back with extreme prejudice), and the less said about Michelle Bachmann, the better.

As a lower-case liberal, an agnostic, and a bisexual, it infuriates me that these people constantly say that people like me are the scum of the earth, and wear their supposed Christianity on their sleeves, and yet they themselves ignore Christ's teachings every chance they can get. Anyone who doesn't believe me, is perfectly welcome to find Gospel verses that have Jesus encouraging His followers to be selfish and bigoted hate-mongers -- but I suspect you're going to be as likely to find a recording of Aretha Franklin singing Marilyn Manson.

If you need any further proof, consider this clip of Ron Paul, at a recent debate aired on Fox News. I will say up front that I do not support Ron Paul at all (because quite frankly he's just a gentler version of these anti-rights twirps), but I have to back him up on this one because he's very much in the right.

For those who can't watch the video, here's a transcription:

RON PAUL: “My point is that if another country does to us what we do to others, we are not going to like it very much. I would say that we maybe ought to consider the golden rule in foreign policy. Don’t do to other nations what we don’t want them to do to us. We endlessly bomb these countries, and then we wonder why they get upset with us?”

AUDIENCE: [Boos]

These are voters who proclaim to all who listen, that they are TRUE Christians, and yet here they are ignoring words that allegedly came from Jesus Himself: Matthew 7:12 -- Do to others whatever you would have them do to you. This is the law and the prophets.”

This incident alone, pretty much destroyed any claim they have ever made -- and ever will make -- to being righteous. It's bad enough when you deliberately ignore Jesus' teachings about peace, humility, selflessness, and immaterial living. It's bad enough when you totally pervert the teachings of your Lord and Saviour, to pretend that He called for the enslavement and utter annihilation of anyone different from you. But when you're flat out attacking people who recite Jesus' teachings... you're done.

December's Morons of the Month

Stay tuned for the 2011 Douchebag of the Year, to be awarded on New Year's Eve.

• Hamilton Mayor Bob Bratina for giving his friend/chief of staff a $30,000 pay raise, and lying about whose idea it was.
• Lowe's Hardware Stores for caving in to the a Florida hate group, that threatened them for advertising on the TLC show "All American Muslims".
• The US Congress (and Barack Obama) for seriously toying with the idea of expanded police powers (basically Patriot Act PLUS).
• Fox News for saying that the new Muppets movie, is teaching kids to embrace communism. Seriously.
• Ann Coulter and Jeremy Clarkson for calling for union strikers and Occupy protesters to be shot.
• Charles McVety (and other "family values" assholes) for continuing to call for queer kids to be bullied at school, even if it means those kids take their own lives -- basically, a quiet way of calling for genocide.
• Conservative MP Jim Hillyer for miming shooting at the opposition, when voting to axe the gun registry.
• British PM David Cameron for sabotaging the European economy, by vetoing a treaty that was going to fix it.
• The Harper Government for doing what no other nation in the WORLD has done -- pulled out of the Kyoto Accord.

November's Morons of the Month

Please note: because of the Douchebag of the Year being announced next month, this will be the final 2011 "Moron" segment that covers an entire calendar month.

• Pennsylvania State University's Football Staff for apparently covering up severe child molestation, for several years, only for it to come out this month.


• Various Christian conservative groups (the most recent being the Hamilton Family Action Council) for crying that promoting tolerance of queer youth is a form of suppression, yet themselves promoting the kind of bigotry and violence that drives such youth to suicide.


• Mariah Yeater for falsely claiming (according to her friends and family) that pop singer Justin Bieber is the father of her baby, and demanding a DNA test in court.


• Herman Cain, his wife, and his fans for claiming that the sexual harassment claims against him are all false... even though there's no dispute that he paid multiple settlements to the women he allegedly preyed on.


• Republican Wingnuts for celebrating Halloween, with a graphic poster of a zombified Barack Obama, with a bullet wound in his head (particularly because similarly tasteless images probably sparked the shooting of Congresswoman Gabrielle Giffords and her supporters).


• The State of Michigan's Republican Government for legalizing any bullying/violence that is excused by the perpetrator's religion, which effectively legalizes the bullying of gay/Muslim/Jewish/atheist/pagan schoolchildren, and possibly legalizes religious terrorist groups.


• Stephen Harper's supporters for continuing to excuse a government that was convicted of election fraud, this month, and quietly admitted that it won't be able to keep its budget promises.


• Kim Kardashian for her crass dumping of husband Kris Humphries, barely two months after marrying him in an overblown ceremony that was broadcast for reality TV.


• The Duggar Family for keeping up their dangerous and disturbing circus-freak act, by having their 20th child.


• The State of California for continuing to slap Lindsay Lohan on the wrist... with a feather boa.


• Google/YouTube for "upgrading" the site to such an extent that no one without Chrome can upload a video, or leave messages anymore.


• Comic book artist Frank Miller -- himself barely employed, anymore -- for comparing the Occupy movement to RAPISTS. And if you're wondering, some of his more famous work, has actually attacked corrupt policemen, politicians, and the super-rich, so this is hypocritical in truly epic ways.


• Various conservative nutjobs who see nothing wrong with unarmed and occasionally frail Occupy protesters being pepper-sprayed and beaten by the cops, for no reason, yet refer to the movement itself as a bunch of criminals.


• The City of Halifax for forcibly evicting the local Occupy camp, during Remembrance Day ceremonies that commend the people who DIED to preserve our freedom of speech.


• Governor Mitt Romney for deliberately and shamelessly lying about Barack Obama in his latest campaign ad, by attributing to him a bad economic quote that actually came from John McCain.


• Every last person who made the "Twilight" books and films, and is obsessively devoted to it for creating, distributing, buying, and worshipping a sub-standard, morally appalling series that promotes sociopathic attitudes towards relationships, and glorifies teenage girls being sexually, emotionally, and physically abused by older and stronger men.

October's Morons of the Month

This is not to be confused with the Douchebag of the Year finalists.

• The Harper Conservative Government for continuing to waste money and time on gaudy business cards, fighter planes that in addition to being junk, can't even communicate in their destined deployment area of the Arctic, and ramming a tough-on-crime agenda despite mounting evidence that CRIME IS AT AN ALL-TIME LOW (as well as once again interfering in a private-sector labour strike, despite thumping their chests about liberals doing the same thing [or less]). Furthermore, they claim to be tough on crime, yet refused to arrest ADMITTED WAR CRIMINAL George W. Bush.




• Herman Cain/The Tea Party/Fox News for blaming the unemployed for somehow not finding work, when corporate swine like Cain, News Corp. and the Koch brothers ARE NOT HIRING.




• Ontario Teacher/former watchdog Jacques Tremblay for co-writing and distributing a softcore porn novel, starring and aimed at high school students.




• Ontario Conservative Leader Tim Hudak for disintegrating his election chances with a racist, homophobic, and utterly clueless campaign.




• Ayatollah Charles McVety (as well as the American/Florida Family Association) for taking out print and video ads that basically ENCOURAGE BULLYING OF QUEER YOUTH, when suicides in that demographic are on the rise.




• Don Cherry for bashing ex-NHL enforcers, for saying that hockey violence should be curbed, after multiple enforcers died during the summer, from various drug and mental health problems.




• The Family Research Council -- a Christian organization -- for praying against the Occupy movement. Apparently they skipped that section in The Book of Mark, when Jesus said His followers need to give up their possessions and help the poor.




• Kentucky Commissioner Steve Frank (and many other conservative Americans) for musing about "going Taliban" on the Occupy protesters.




• The creators of the The Thing [2011] for completely lying to the public, about whether or not their movie is a remake rather than a prequel.




• Harold Camping and his followers for once again getting it wrong, about the end of the world coming (for those of you who missed it, it was supposed to be last Friday).




• The Oakland Police Department (and others in America) for brutalizing and illegally arresting PEACEFUL PROTESTERS in the Occupy movement... even going so far as to CRITICALLY WOUND an Iraq veteran, by shooting a tear gas grenade at him, at point-blank range.






• Toronto Mayor Rob Ford for getting into a hissy fit over a well-known Canadian comedienne appearing on his driveway to do an ambush skit. Specifically, he waddled inside his house, made a series of profane 911 calls, and then lied to the public about what exactly happened (and even after the routine was aired, exposing his lies, has yet to own up to them). This has become such an embarrassment that he was just declared Keith Olbermann's Worst Person of the World, on the American Current TV channel.

The Christian Right vs. Occupy Wall Street

I just read something that I could help but find hilarious. One of the smaller right-wing Christian groups in the States, in one of their recent meetings, had this to say about the ever-growing protests against Wall Street:

The sixties-style tent city protest, which seemed to fizzle after its September 17 launch, now has momentum and is expanding to cities across the nation, including Washington, D.C. Organizers of the movement (e.g. ACORN, labor unions, and other far-left leaders and groups) have been given new life by the sycophant liberal media, Hollywood celebrities and leading Democrats in Washington, including President Obama. Six arrests were made when one hundred demonstrators conducted an illegal demonstration inside a Senate office building (see Gullible, Who’s Behind it?, Official Website, Senate Building).

• May God prevent these radical organizers from stirring revolution and distracting voters from the elections and keeping watch on our elected leaders (Num 16:1-14; Is 1:4-6; Pr 12:11-12; Mt 26:41; Eph 4:28; 1 Tim 6:3-10; Heb 13:5-6).

Now, leaving aside for a moment that Jesus Himself was a revolutionary -- unless you think that there was nothing radical about forming a group that was very much against the established government -- here's what I said to the group in an e-mail response:

Jesus made it very clear, that Christians are supposed to help the poor at all costs. Lest you think that this is some liberal revisionism of The Gospels, I refer you to the incident in the Book of Mark, where Jesus Himself FLAT OUT SAYS that if you aren't willing to give up your possessions to help the poor, then YOU ARE NOT REALLY FOLLOWING HIM.

So why then, is your group praying for the FAILURE of the Occupy Wall Street movement? Would you care to show me exactly where ANYONE says in The Bible that the rich shall have total dominion over the land, and that the poor are to be treated with contempt?

Remember this, thou hypocrites, the next time you say with a straight face that it's liberals and heathens that are perverting Christianity.

Some Republicans Love Dumb Laws

Did you know that in Florida, it's illegal for unmarried couples to live together? I didn't, until just a few minutes ago. Apparently it's punishable by a $500 fine, and up to 60 days in jail.

As you can imagine, a law that outdated, ridiculous and likely unconstitutional isn't enforced anymore. In fact, I just read a posting from someone claiming to be a Florida police officer, who says that his partner was laughed at by their supervisor, for trying to uphold it.

To give the Republicans some credit -- for once -- one of their Florida lawmakers is attempting to repeal it. Not surprisingly, he's running into opposition from Focus On The Family, Governor Rick Scott, and Rep. Dennis Baxley (the latter of whom, are also Republicans).

Rep. Baxley in particular -- former senior member of the Christian Coalition -- is quoted as saying “I’m not ready to give up on monogamy and a cultural statement that marriage still matters”.

This is a statement being made a lot, but I'm saying it anyway... for a party that claims to hate intrusive government and love the Constitution, it seems that many Republicans sure love to invade the private lives of American citizens.

That's to say nothing of how absurd it is to claim that this -- like, say, gay and interracial marriage -- is a threat to marriage as a whole. Most couples that live together, do so as a prelude to getting married (seriously, just how ignorant is the Christian Right?). Even the ones that don't eventually marry, are usually no less monogamous than the ones that do (and frankly, when conservatives speak out about the spousal abuse and infidelity in their traditionally married homes, then they may get on a high horse about the rest of us).

If Republicans really respect American values -- including FREEDOM -- then they need to prove it by either backing off of laws like these, or quitting office. The American way of life, does not allow for the kind of perversion that they wish to impose.

Transgender Kerfuffle

Burning the Qu'ran (reprise)

Emperor Harper

STFU, Charles McVety

Douchebag of the Decade Nominees!

Down With Harper! Go Canada Go!

Harper the Fake Feminist

So Emperor Harper, no doubt in a desperate bid to keep power, has announced to the world stage that his new priority is the welfare of women and children. He exclaims that that should be the top goal of the G8 and G20 conferences this year, encouraging and "enlightened" policy from all.

In case you're wondering, the other world leaders aren't buying it, and neither are most Canadians. This is for a very simple reason: Harper standing up for womens' rights, is like Fred Phelps standing up for a gay pride parade.

This is not only the same man, whose party is supported by ultra-conservative religious groups, bound and determined to keep women in the home; this is not only the same person whose party has repeatedly condemned single mothers and the lower-class in general; this is not only the same person whose government has slashed funding to several women's programs and widened the gender salary gap...

This is the same man who, just last year, personally referred to women as "a left-wing fringe group". In plain English, Stephen Harper and the Conservatives, have complete and utter contempt for women. Therefore, the only reason that Harper is suddenly applauding the fairer sex, must be for the same reason he suddenly acknowledged we were in a recession, or suddenly announced stimulus spending, or EI reform: he's trying to save his own ass.

Nevermind that this shows absolutely no sincerity on Harper's part, but based on past experience you can bet that his supposed "enlightenment" will either be very limited, or totally forgotten about in the next couple of months. Hopefully Canadian voters now have longer attention spans than that, and won't fall for it.

WHAT War on Christmas?

2009 Douchebag Nominees!

Ladies and gentleman, boys and girls, fans and haters of Bored on the Corner, it is that time of year again. Today, I announce the nominees for my favourite award, The 2009 Douchebag of The Year. It is a special award, given to the person or people who you the fans, feel made the biggest ass of him/her/themselves in the last year. It was actually really hard to narrow it down to a short list -- I reeeeally wanted to squeeze Suzanne Lukas into this, but alas... Without any further ado, here are the 12 finalists for the second annual Douchebag of the Year. Why 12? Just to piss off The Nostalgia Critic.

Canadian Prime Minister Stephen Harper, for... oh jeez, where to begin? Off the top of my head, he abandoned and slandered Canadian citizens of Muslim heritage, when they got in trouble abroad; his government blocked a law-abiding Scottish MP from giving a lecture in Canada, just because he supported Palestine, while the Harperites totally ignore an extremist group like the Jewish Defense League; his party pulled funding to a Gay Pride parade and fired the minister who originally gave it a grant, just because they aren't comfortable with cross-dressers; he couldn't resist a single oppourtunity to attack and bully the Opposition, even when his statements were wrong and he was on the world stage; he got caught on camera threatening to teach Parliament a lesson if he gets a majority (as well as slagging women and gay rights groups as "Left-wing fringe groups" when he's supported by Right-wing fringe groups); funneling stimulus money rather conspicuously to ridings that support his CRAP Party; not giving a rat's ass about the unemployed until he was almost kicked out of office -- AGAIN; shutting down various watchdogs and inquiries meant to keep an eye on what his government is doing; and finally, not showing a single shred of financial competence in this recession, despite supposedly being an economist.

But, an incompetent and tyrannical leader can only do so much damage on his own, even with a cabinet that has no idea what they're doing. They say a hero is only as good as his villain, and so a wannabe dictator is only so effective without an ignorant public, and an opposition that wouldn't scare a chipmunk. I'd say, "The less said about Michael Ignatieff and Jack Layton, the better", but they've done so little that I can't really say anything about them anyway. As for the public... if more of them were inclined to actually pick up a newspaper once in a while and find out what's going on in the world around them, maybe the Tories wouldn't be able to get away with this verbal and ideological assault on Canada. All it takes is five minutes and a connection to Google, folks. There's no excuse; if God wanted us to just roll over when told, He would have gotten to the point and made us dogs.

The many "celebrities" who've more than overstayed their fifteen minutes of fame. Normally I wouldn't get that bent out of shape over the sort of people who put the kids of tabloid publishers through college, except for two things. First of all, I've got this psychotic hatred for people who are famous for no reason besides having a famous daddy, being good looking, or giving good head. Second, while I normally have no issue with famous people wanting to get involved in world events, some of them are so slimy that they almost make the scumbags they're protecting look like gentlemen.

Here's a list compiled by me and the fans: Kanye West for once again being such a douchebag at an awards show that I was a little tempted to put his face on MY award; Megan Fox for being an obnoxious and very stupid diva, while having absolutely no talent at all; Miley Cyrus, for not only being so thin-skinned that she left Twitter over some idiot calling her fat, but for claiming to have a strict moral Christian upbringing while being one of the most sexualized products of the Disney Channel today; Richard and Mayumi Heene, aka The family of "Balloon Boy", for possibly the most insulting, insipid, and just plain dumb publicity stunt of this past year at least -- yeah sure, give some reality show has-beens another show, because their kid supposedly got stuck in a balloon that looks like a pastry hat, great idea!; Roman Polanski and his apologists, for thinking that there's NOTHING wrong with drugging a 13 year old girl, raping her repeatedly, and running from the country to avoid a reduced sentence; Perez Hilton, for... well, with this guy you almost don't need a reason, but let's go with his knack for picking fights and then crying bigotry when they backfire; Amy Winehouse for actually making Keith Richards look good... even when sober; Nadya Suleman, aka The Octomom for single-handedly making a sick joke out of fertility treatments, living on welfare, and single motherhood simultaneously; Jon and Kate Gosselin for milking every last drop of their questionable family values with book deals, tabloid exposure, and spending so much of their divorce bitching about money, instead of who's supposed to take care of those eight kids of theirs; and finally The Learning Channel, the producers of "Toddlers and Tiaras", and pageant families in general, for needlessly exploiting kids through these shallow, pointless, and sometimes oversexualized beauty pageants, when some of them aren't even done breastfeeding yet!

The Nobel Prize Committee, over its very odd decision to give this year's Peace Prize to U.S. President Barack Obama. Now I have a lot of respect for Obama and what he's tried to do, but the thing is, he was nominated for the Peace Prize just a few WEEKS into his presidency -- he barely even had time to change the carpets in the White House yet! And frankly, whether you like Obama or not it's pretty hard to deny that when people get major awards just for PROMISING to make the world a better place, then the awards are pretty much meaningless.

Gary Bettman, The NHL, the Toronto Maple Leafs, the Calgary Flames, and Sean Avery just for good measure. Mr. Bettman and the NHL used every dirty trick in the book to keep Blackberry Billionaire Jim Balsille from buying the defunct Phoenix Coyotes and moving them to Hamilton, where they might actually make money. Not only that, but for the longest time they said that Hamilton will get an NHL team over Bettman's dead body -- don't tempt me, Gary. Then when the ugly bankruptcy hearings tarred and feathered everyone involved, these gentlemen turned around and said that they'd be open to a new team in Southern Ontario after all.

As for the Maple Leafs, never mind them being the textbook definition of crappy hockey at the best of times, during this slugfest they had the nerve to claim that they can and will personally veto any NHL team that wants to play in Southern Ontario -- which, you know, would give them competition and force them to either play a good game or lower their ticket prices to something you don't need a second mortgage to pay. By the way, guess where they went, once the new hockey season started? STRAIGHT TO THE BOTTOM! Even if you guys don't get the Douchebag of the Year award, you've certainly been served some karma.

The Calgary Flames are on here for a very simple reason, that we all know by now: even though there isn't enough H1N1 vaccine to go around, even though they are all healthy men and therefore very unlikely to be affected by this virus, they illegally got the vaccine anyway. And think it's perfectly justified -- yeah, tell that to the family whose grandfather they might have to bury because of your entitlements, guys.

And Sean Avery? Well let's just say it takes a very upstanding guy to go out of his way to get a bunch of reporters to look at him, and call his ex-girlfriend "sloppy seconds". I guess Elisha Cuthbert really did wear all the class in that relationship.

The Obama Haters (aka "The Devil-Spawn of Joe McCarthy and possibly the KKK"), for not even trying to use facts and good taste to criticize the President. No, they insist on calling him a Muslim -- which is badly disguised racism if I've ever seen it -- calling him a Nazi (which makes absolutely no sense), screaming "Socialist!" at anything that actually tries to help people, and insisting that he was born in Kenya despite very easy-to-find evidence that he was born in Hawaii. Incidentally, these same people never ever raise a peep at the fact that John McCain was born in Panama, and therefore is much less likely to be a natural-born U.S. citizen than Obama.

While we're at it, this nomination also goes out to the people who use any shooting as an excuse to threaten Muslims. I swear, every time there's been a shooting or explosion or anything dramatic in America in the last few years, the trolls ALWAYS say two things: that at least one Muslim MUST BE responsible, and that EVERY LAST MUSLIM must be either kicked out of the country, or just wiped out. What makes it particularly insulting is that these are usually the same arm-chair militants who wear their flags on their sleeves and scream that we must support our soldiers -- refresh my memory, but aren't the soldiers fighting for freedom from this sort of horseshit? And about this crap that says "The West must cease to be liberal, or it will cease to exist", coming from AMERICAN conservatives... maybe you haven't noticed, but the people trying to kill us ARE CONSERVATIVES. Why the hell are you trying to emulate them?

By the way, Fox News, for feeding and occasionally starting this vile, dishonest, bigoted, hateful propaganda, with nothing even resembling journalism ethics, you can be guaranteed that if you win this award, you're the first people I'll mention in the speech. Oh, and since you claim to be "fair and balanced", answer me this: why do you go so far out of your way to criticize the Obama government, even for things that he inherited from your hero George W. Bush, when just a few years ago you said that criticizing the president at all, makes you Un-American and a traitor?

Bell Canada, for charging its business customers for long-distance calls, made on hacked phone lines. These are calls that Bell knows for a fact, their customers couldn't have made, yet they insist on charging tens of thousands of dollars, or more. This is not only very sleazy, but I could swear that it's a criminal offence -- after all, they're directly making money off of fraud and identity theft. Incidentally, this is yet another thing that our wonderful federal government refuses to get involved in, claiming that it has no jurisdiction -- what was that about being tough on crime, Emperor Harper?

Focus on the Family, The National Organization for Marriage, Carrie Prejean, the Republican Party, etc. (aka "Bigots in Suits"), for trying their damnedest to stop gay marriage in America at all costs, including revoking it in states that have legalized it, even by the free votes that the Christian Right claims to insist on. Even though there is not a single thing in American law that says Christian beliefs have superiority to everything and everyone else in the country -- in fact it's forbidden in the Constitution -- for some reason these people think that the Church must rule all.

Not only that, but they repeatedly scream that gay marriage will destroy families, destroy marriage, and destroy society. Um guys? Many countries have had same-sex marriage for years, and the Earth is still here. Maybe you didn't know that. They also have the nerve to say that going out of their way to block homosexuals from having the same rights as everyone else, is somehow not being bigoted or discriminatory -- wow, and religious conservatives wonder why they have a reputation for hate and stupidity? By the way, I'd just like to say once again, that women and black people -- who had to fight the exact same conservatives for their own rights less than a hundred years ago -- are the ultimate hypocrites if they actually side with the "family values" groups. Evidently that equality stuff you were preaching fifty years ago only applies to you, right?

And Republicans... where do you get off slamming gays all the time, when quite a few men in your party have been caught looking for action in public bathrooms, or hitting on underage boys (even though Fox News "accidentally" mislabels you as Democrats)?

And as for Carrie Prejean, who famously lost the Miss USA pageant when she opposed same-sex marriage -- and recently made a scene on The Larry King Show by refusing to talk to a gay caller -- she's just another example of the typical two-faced fundy; she says in one breath that she respects the choice of gay marriage, then totally opposes it the next, cries religious persecution when people stand up to her, and the entire time that she claims to have had a morally upstanding upbringing, she conveniently forgets to mention that she posed in just her underwear in previous modeling gigs, and she made a sex tape for her boyfriend when she was 17. By the way Carrie, I'd just like to remind you that in America it's a federal crime to create and distribute child pornography. The next noise you hear will be the cops knocking on your door. Have a nice day.

Various unions, for even thinking of striking while we're in the middle of a recession. The most famous examples in Ontario lately have been the York University teaching union, and the union representing driving testers -- who already seem to do a really spotty job, based on some of the morons on the road, but that's a different matter. Look, in principle I support you guys trying to be treated well and make a decent wage, but bickering over not getting a big enough raise is just stupid; the economy is in the crapper right now, where the hell do you expect that money to come from? Criss-Freaking-Angel??

Shona Holmes, Betsy McCaughey, Sarah Palin, and the private health insurance industry, for not only demonizing the idea of lower-class Americans having any kind of health care, for free, but resorting to complete lies to do it. Obama's health care plan wasn't perfect to start with -- and is even less so now, after you vultures had your way with it -- but instead of using legitimate points, you decided to make it sound like middle-class Americans would be wiped out in concentration camps (which isn't far off from what's already happening, interestingly enough). You also claimed public health care is insanely expensive, when America actually spends far more per patient under the current system, than any country with public health care, AND its people usually don't live as long. Hmmm...

In the case of Canadian Shona Holmes, this is particularly interesting because she went on TV coast to coast, claiming to be the survivor of a brain tumour that would have killed her if she'd waited for treatment in Canada. The problem with that story is that it's a total lie; she only had a mild cyst, and one that the American insurance companies would have refused to treat, by the way, because it was a pre-existing condition. Then she has the further nerve to sue the Ontario government for health expenses that she racked up ENTIRELY of her own free will. Yeah, good luck with that.

I'm slotting the mainstream media in for this as well because they very rarely -- if ever -- stood up to any of these pundits for their bullshit. Holmes was never personally questioned about her fake story, even by her local newspaper; Sarah Palin and Betsy McCaughey were never asked to prove any of their accusations by so-called "real" journalists -- it took Jon Stewart of all people to illustrate to the public that McCaughey was talking completely out of her ass, and sure enough she lost her lobbying job the next day. Guys, when comedians and bloggers are doing a better job than you at that thing called journalism, something's seriously wrong

The Oxford Community Police, in Woodstock, Ontario, for their absolutely absurd level of incompetence, in handling the abduction and murder of Tori Stafford. Most people in Ontario already know the drill by now, but for anyone else I'll give you the short version. Tori was taken from her school back in the spring, by a woman who no one knew. This was filmed on a surveillance camera, as well. But for reasons that no one has ever explained very well, the Oxford Police refused for the longest time to treat the case as a kidnapping. This is despite the fact that a child being taken by a stranger and both going missing, IS abduction under Canadian law. Sure enough, Tori was eventually declared dead, and her remains discovered several months later.

Exactly how Tori died remains unknown at this time, but I have always maintained that if she wasn't murdered soon after being taken, then she may be alive today if the Oxford cops didn't drag their feet. Sadly, this part of the case has gone very quiet in the grand scheme of this investigation.

The World Health Organization and the media at large, for creating this totally unnecessary panic over the H1N1 flu virus. First they call it the "swine flu" for no particular reason, crippling already struggling farmers. Then they make it sound like the worst plague since The Black Death, when all credible research -- and actual cases around the world -- have shown it to actually be less dangerous than the usual flu virus. And they do this repeatedly. My personal favourite, is when the WHO recently gave this advice to anyone who is sick from the virus: No joke, they said to "seek medical attention". Really! See a doctor, no shit! I was just going to sit in my living room for a few days until my family has either died or turned into zombies.

Finally, The Niagara Crown Attorney's office/Ontario Premier Dalton McGuinty et al. /Hamilton City Hall, for doing fuck all in general. McGuinty's distaste for solid action is already well known to residents of Caledonia, who've had to suffer through a hostile Native land occupation for the last three years, while the Ontario Provincial Police refuse to enforce the law -- unless you're a WHITE citizen -- and McGuinty and Ottawa each dodge any responsibility for the land claim. More recently, he's been dogged by problems in the Health ministry, under George Smitherman, who has now decided to run for the mayor of Toronto. I guess time will tell, as to whether or not his opponents will bring up the many millions of dollars embezzled by the eHealth program, or the hundreds of people who died from a huge C. Difficile outbreak, both of which happened under Smitherman's watch with no action at all taken by McGuinty. His successor, on the other hand, DID resign to save face.

The inaction by McGuinty's government took an even more outrageous turn when the Niagara Crown Attorney's office inexplicably dropped charges against James Cedar, an admitted peeping tom who continues to stalk his next-door neighbours. Yet strangely, the authorities in the same area thought that a protest by senior citizens against their hospital being closed, somehow warranted arrests.

As for Hamilton City Hall, they spent a huge amount of time bickering and putting their heads in the sand, when the recession caused one of our two major steel makers to shut down -- a very big deal in this town. More importantly though, when the lower parts of the city were flooded due to old and crumbling sewers, and an emergency meeting was called to try to fix it, Councilor Bob Bratina pulled the plug on it as soon as any notion of a city insurance plan was proposed. This sabre-rattling needlessly postponed help to thousands of already impoverished families, whose homes are all but uninsurable because of the frequent flooding problems. Oh, and guess where councilors Brian McHattie and Russ Powers were, during this disaster -- apparently they were on summer vacation and couldn't be bothered to show their fucking faces.

So you can probably guess how shocked I was when -- through Toronto -- Hamilton got a big piece of the Pan Am games. And you can probably guess how much I'm expecting them to fuck this up, too.

There you have it, everyone. Those are the official nominees for the 2009 Douchebag of the Year. Please leave your notes, comments, e-mails, and video responses to vote -- the deadline will be December 18th, and the winner will be announced on New Year's Eve. That's it for me.

Maine Homophobes II

Is it just me, or is the so-called "Moral Majority" not even trying to look respectable or rational anymore? Just a couple of days after I posted my rant about Maine voting to revoke same-sex marriage, this prick called JarodysCampaign -- who lost an election for city councillor down there -- said to me that the definition of marriage MUST be "one man and one woman", that the gay camp was the only one that made it a rights issue, that being gay is a choice... you know, the usual horseshit. And if you think I'm going to just let this be, you clearly haven't seen the show.

Let's start with this business about the definition of marriage "clearly" being between one man and one woman... well, according to who? Depending on which religion or denomination or culture you ask, marriage can be defined as all sorts of combinations of human, not all of them simply one man and one woman. In fact, in ancient times same-sex marriage was quite common, not that the Christian Right will ever acknowledge it, because it requires them to read a book not endorsed by The 700 Club. Jarody's argument that he's helped restore the "original" form is also very dubious, when you consider that the original form not only forbade marrying outside of your race or religion, but by and large women had no choice in who they were going to marry -- AND more often than not, it was done as little more than a business deal. Not to mention it was not only common but expected, that the husband would keep a mistress -- NOT THAT KIND OF MISTRESS! Thank you... The point is, marrying out of love is a fairly new phenomenon, despite what the so-called family values clan says. If anyone out there doesn't believe me, I suggest that you go to a very special building in your town: it's called a library.

Oh and I'd be neglegent if I didn't point out there are parts of The Bible -- like Deuteronomy 21 -- that say it's totally fine for a man to force a woman to marry him, as a sort of war trophy. I'd also be sloppy if I didn't point out that it was totally normal for marriages to happen at age 12, in those days. Wow, how loving and godly.

Incidentally, this same man also claimed that by criticizing a clearly discriminatory point of view like his, I'm being a Constitutional Revisionist. Really? Does that mean he also thinks that mixed marriage, decriminalized homosexuality, women's rights, desegregation, and even the separation of church and state should all be revoked? What about the partonizingly named "Defense of Marriage Act", which only exists to discriminate against gays? By the way, I just love how a guy like him shuts down critics by saying that he won't talk to people who are intolerant -- that's like a Neo-Nazi slamming people who have issues with swastikas.

He's also one of those who dismisses gays as a whole, by saying that being gay is a choice. Um yeah, do you ever notice how you almost always hear this bullshit from people who have either never had a non-judgemental talk with a homosexual, or never willingly talked to one at all? Now I know that science isn't entirely sure what does cause homosexuality, but there are a couple of things that are certain. One is that since it's found in animals all the time, that pretty much destroys any argument that it is unnatural. The second is that there is NO evidence whatsoever, that people actually choose to be gay.

Furthermore, at the risk of ripping off David Cross, try actually thinking this attitude through a little. Even in this supposedly enlightened part of the world, if anyone even THINKS you're gay, then no matter how young or old you are, you are going to be harrassed, assaulted, singled-out, discriminated against, raped, or murdered solely because of what gender you're supposedly attracted to. Not only that, but you can't count on The Powers That Be to do anything about it -- they may ignore your troubles, or simply say you got what you deserved. This includes many of the supposedly moral and upstanding people in the church. Wow, that really sounds like a life I'd want to live.

By the way, don't even get me started on the arguments that "You support gay marriage, so you must be gay", or "What did the Christian Right take away?" Seriously, do you idiots not hear yourselves talk? Do you really not understand how stupid you sound?

The cold-bloodedness and hypocrisy of the "traditional values" people never ceases to amaze me. They call themselves devout Christians more often than not, but even I know that Jesus said to let what is the government's, belong to the government. Kind of like He also said to judge not, lest ye be judged, to live a non-capitalist life, and to live as a community -- not that the Moral Majority likes to hear any of those things either. And let's not forget, they called the same-sex laws in Maine undemocratic, even though they were voted in freely by the elected senate. It seems really convenient to me, that of all the things they could get nitpicky about in politics, it's things that give rights to people they despise for no good reason. I bet you they'd never go to this much trouble, if the same senate declared that only conservative Christians be allowed to vote. Enough said.

Maine Homophobes

Remember how Maine voted in the senate to legalize same-sex marriage a few months ago? Well, that didn't stick. There was a referendum on it in several states, and just like in California, the Christian Right saw to it that now, gay marriage is once again illegal. Congratulations, you bigoted fucks, you've once again demonstrated that you're not content to simply try to stop equal rights, you're fine with taking them away once they've either been democratically earned, or given by courts that actually understand what the Constitution is for. Never mind that gay marriage never had any effect on so-called traditional marriage, that churches in America were never forced to perform them, and that gay rights do no harm to families whatsoever -- the idea of sodomites having the same rights as straights is always a bad thing to you. Go fuck yourselves.

By the way, I'd be neglegent if I didn't point out two other problems with their tactics -- leaving aside that they can't possibly claim to not be homophobic when they've personally referred to homosexuals as a cancer. You guys say that legalizing same sex marriage is an assault on freedom of religion, but what about the churches that genuinely have no problem with gay marriage? You just violated THEIR freedom of religion, you hypocrites! Second thing, what would you say to other bigots who would be enabled by your movement, to do any of the following: ban interracial marriage, forbid atheists and pagans from marrying, or even make being gay a crime again? After all, there are those who say that that has to be done, to protect Christian American families, too.

I'm sorry, but I have absolutely no respect for the sort of people who proudly discriminate against total strangers, who've done no harm at all to them, and then have the nerve to say they're protecting family values. The only families that I know of, who teach hate and prejudice, are families in the KKK and Aryan Brotherhood. And conservatives wonder why the rest of the world thinks they're intolerant? Enough said.

The Fundy Bible

Gay Pride vs. Facist Ottawa

Last week was definitely not a good one for Emperor Harper and his Neo-Conservative government. Not only did he repeatedly embarrass himself at an international conference -- particularly by getting caught in a lie about Liberal Leader Michael Ignatieff -- but here at home his cohorts have gotten in a snit over Tourism grants being given to the Toronto Gay Pride Parade. Evidently, some Conservative backbenchers -- who, apart from Saskatchewan's Brad Trost, didn't have the balls to want to be named -- took great offence to Tourism Minister Diane Ablonczy not only giving a cheque to the parade's organizers, but being photographed alongside drag queens while doing so. I guess it's official -- the Tories don't care about even trying to look tolerant anymore, they're just going to rule by prejudice.

Now look, I know that Gay Pride Parades are touchy in some places, but leave the family values crap be for a minute and pay attention. The whole point of the Tourism Events Program is to promote annual events that attract major tourism and attention to Canadian cities -- and Toronto's Pride events fit that to a T. Also, spare me the complaints about barely-clothed gays and lesbians strutting through the streets and acting kind of raunchy -- for one thing, given that most of that complaining is brought up by right-wing special interest groups who barely think gays are human, my bet is that they're exaggerating to at least some extent. For another thing, in terms of risque behaviour, you can say the same thing about virtually ANY large party in the summer -- Caribanna being a fairly good example -- yet that doesn't cause an uproar. Neither does any other large event, where -- let's be honest -- there's probably some violence, drug abuse, and sex taking place where people generally aren't looking.

In any case, the Tories have flat out stated that their problem with Ms. Ablonczy was that "The TV shots of her with transvestites inflamed some people." Do these really sound like the sort of people you'd WANT to impress? I sure as hell don't want them in charge of my life and liberty, either. Those who support this decision often cry that some so-called gay agenda is being forced down their throats at these parades -- well, personally, whenever I've done the radical thing and actually talked to gays and lesbians, I've never had any political position even talked about, never mind shoved in my face. In fact, if one is really uncomfortable with gay pride events, there's a very easy solution: don't go to them.

Unfortunately, as the new movie Bruno makes very clear, the reason why these sort of complaints are taken seriously is because putting down gays is one of the last socially accepted bigotries that we have anymore. If there was this same outcry over Black Pride, Women's Pride, Indian Pride, French-Canadian Pride, or any other sort of group, then the Tories would get thrown out of office -- and knowing some of their members, probably arrested too. Then again, if it were White Straight Conservative Christian Pride, I bet you that they would not only be welcomed openly, but that Tourism fund would give them a blank cheque. Let's face it, North America is nowhere near as welcome and tolerant as it pretends to be. You just need to be a visible minority in a big city, or in... shall we say, more rural areas... to find that out. That's it for me.

Godless Girl Guides?

You know something, as secular as I am, I can't help but thank God for the Canadian Family Action Coalition. That's because, as dangerous and insane as I truly believe they are, they at least give me something to do, through these rants and ravings of mine. The latest thing happened last week, when the Girl Guides of Canada proposed changing its oath, to remove references to God or faith. This means that now the guides promise to be true to themselves, and Canada, and to help others. Admittedly, the change may be redundant, since the guides are allowed to substitute "God" with whatever faith they wish... but sure enough Charles McVety and his goons are still mad as hell.

McVety's shtick for years has been to cry that Christianity is somehow being erased from Canada, just because non-believers are becoming more vocal about not wanting to be ignored by public institutions -- you know, that little thing called "Freedom of Belief", which McVety falsely claims that Atheists, Pagans, etc. don't have. I swear, leave it to this idiotic hack to not only make a mountain out of a molehill, but to make it sound like Christians are being put in prison camps, just because people actually expect this country to follow its own laws.

Leaving aside that being religious does not guarantee living a moral life -- as the entire Christian Right makes abundantly clear -- the proposed new pledge, still mandates helping other people and doing honourable deeds. Their Guiding Law still demands the Girl Guides to be honest and trustworthy, not waste resources, respect themselves and others, protect their communities, and live with courage and strength. For anyone who actually cares about what Jesus taught in The Gospel, this should be more than enough. Yet, because a reference to one specific belief system is being taken out, to follow that very law, Mr. McVety is crying that the world is going to end.

This is nuts -- as if McVety's lying and buffoonery in trying to block pro-gay films from being made in this country wasn't embarassing enough, he keeps playing the damnation card on a piece of complete trivia. Given that his group claims to be concerned with Family Values, maybe they ought to focus on something that really matters in that area, like the fact that more and more families these days live below the poverty line, or can't get a doctor -- oh no, I forgot, they say on their own web site that public assistance and health care are evil socialist views. But I digress -- Charles, stop making an ass of yourself, and save your hot air for things that actually matter, instead of continuing to defile everything that your Lord and saviour stood for. Enough said.