Thin Skins

This has got to be a record: literally within seconds of posting one of my previous ramblings, I found an article that prompted a new rant. It seems that Miley Cyrus has been so bothered by people calling her fat on the Internet, that she's gone out of her way to post a response asking them not to do that, because it hurts peoples' feelings.

Oh suck it up, you wimp.

Now look, I know that cyberbullying can be vicious -- we all know about the Megan Meier case, where Lori Drew made up a fake identity to rip apart an ex-friend of her daughter's, and taunted her into committing suicide. However, this isn't really in the same ballpark as a gutless loser calling you fat.

Here's a reality check: people -- girls and women especially -- get called fat all the time. It's one of the most common and lame ways there is, to put someone down. Frankly, I learned at a young age that if THAT'S the best someone can do, then they're not worth paying attention to. Hell, these days I get called much worse stuff than that all the time -- there's this one lunatic on MySpace who regularly calls me a demon-spawn and terrorist because I'm not a Christian extremist -- but I don't give a shit. Hang around YouTube or Facebook for a while and you'll find all sorts of vicious things -- last week someone I went to school with threatened (no, I'm sorry, PROMISED) to rip my ass off, because I had the audacity to even post rants at all, never mind criticizing the Oxford Police's handling of the Tori Stafford case. Do you know what I do? I usually just ignore it, but if things really get bad, then I block and report the asshole doing it. After that I often forget about it, and if it gets to me at all, it just gives me a reason to keep going.

So honestly, the fact that Miley Cyrus is getting in such a snit over just being called fat, shows that she's got a pretty bad grasp of the real world. When you're in the public eye at all, you're going to get people calling you names -- so if you want peace and quiet, get out of show business. Also, have you actually READ some of the crap people post on the internet? When it comes to flaming someone, half the time it's so garbled it might as well have been written by a drunken retard -- and Miley's getting her knickers in a knot over THAT? Please -- get over it, honey, there are much bigger problems out there. That's it for me.

Too Late for Tori

You may recall that a few weeks ago, Bored on the Corner was one of many outlets trying to raise awareness of the kidnapping of eight year old Victoria Stafford, of Woodstock, Ontario. It greatly unnerves me to report that this awareness was in vain -- on Wednesday, May 20, two people were charged in Tori's murder.

I am not simply outraged at the fact this girl's life was taken so senselessly -- though there is plenty of outrage to go around. I am appalled by the fact that for two weeks after Tori was taken, the local police did practically nothing. I can't possibly be the only one thinking that if the Oxford Community Police had gotten their acts together right away -- and treated it as an abduction right away -- maybe Tori would still be alive right now. If that's true, "officers", then I have no problem telling you that you do not deserve to wear those uniforms -- you have neglected, if not betrayed, everything those uniforms stand for. May Tori's blood be forever on your hands. That's it for me.

Godless Girl Guides?

You know something, as secular as I am, I can't help but thank God for the Canadian Family Action Coalition. That's because, as dangerous and insane as I truly believe they are, they at least give me something to do, through these rants and ravings of mine. The latest thing happened last week, when the Girl Guides of Canada proposed changing its oath, to remove references to God or faith. This means that now the guides promise to be true to themselves, and Canada, and to help others. Admittedly, the change may be redundant, since the guides are allowed to substitute "God" with whatever faith they wish... but sure enough Charles McVety and his goons are still mad as hell.

McVety's shtick for years has been to cry that Christianity is somehow being erased from Canada, just because non-believers are becoming more vocal about not wanting to be ignored by public institutions -- you know, that little thing called "Freedom of Belief", which McVety falsely claims that Atheists, Pagans, etc. don't have. I swear, leave it to this idiotic hack to not only make a mountain out of a molehill, but to make it sound like Christians are being put in prison camps, just because people actually expect this country to follow its own laws.

Leaving aside that being religious does not guarantee living a moral life -- as the entire Christian Right makes abundantly clear -- the proposed new pledge, still mandates helping other people and doing honourable deeds. Their Guiding Law still demands the Girl Guides to be honest and trustworthy, not waste resources, respect themselves and others, protect their communities, and live with courage and strength. For anyone who actually cares about what Jesus taught in The Gospel, this should be more than enough. Yet, because a reference to one specific belief system is being taken out, to follow that very law, Mr. McVety is crying that the world is going to end.

This is nuts -- as if McVety's lying and buffoonery in trying to block pro-gay films from being made in this country wasn't embarassing enough, he keeps playing the damnation card on a piece of complete trivia. Given that his group claims to be concerned with Family Values, maybe they ought to focus on something that really matters in that area, like the fact that more and more families these days live below the poverty line, or can't get a doctor -- oh no, I forgot, they say on their own web site that public assistance and health care are evil socialist views. But I digress -- Charles, stop making an ass of yourself, and save your hot air for things that actually matter, instead of continuing to defile everything that your Lord and saviour stood for. Enough said.

Miley and The Octomom

Since yesterday was Mother's Day, I'm taking this occasion to once again slag poor upbringing. These days, especially in the public eye, it's hard to find a better example than Nadya Suleman, aka "The Octomom" (TM). Yeah, I know I'm a bit late to the party on that one, but let's face it, this dingbat will probably be right up my alley, until the day she fricking dies. Just like celebrity culture and so-called "family values" will be, until the day I die.

I mean, it's really hard to take seriously, someone who entered the public eye looking like a complete idiot, and went downhill from there. Since keeping up is a bit of a challenge, let's recap: in 2001, she had six kids through in-vitro fertilization. This is hectic enough for most people, but she had the added problem of being both single and unemployed at the time. Not to mention, one of her children is autistic, and with all due respect to autistic people, raising a handicapped child is a full-time job by itself. You'd think that she'd stop here, and focus her energy on the family she's got, but no; she decides to get another implantation, deliberately carrying and delivering eight more babies, thus the nickname "Octomom" (TM). By the way, not only has she not held a single job in over ten years, but she was on public assistance when she had the octuplets. Even better, but she's been relying on friends and elderly family members to help make this little circus of hers work.

But of course, since indignant righteousness is one of humanity's defining qualities, she cannot understand why her life has turned into a tabloid feeding frenzy, public relations nightmare, and a drawn-out punchline, ever since she first made the news. Well look, numbnuts, I'll explain it to you: you're barely in a position to have any kids at all, yet you took it upon yourself to spawn a small city, while so many people right now are either starving, or sleeping in a gutter somewhere. On top of that, instead of actually acting like a mother to the kids you already had, including one with severe problems, you decided to breed even more, making it impossible to nurture any of them properly, especially when you're on welfare. That's not being a responsible parent, that's being Grade-A stupid. Add to that, the fact that not only have you actually trademarked the term "Octomom" (TM), but you're actually agreeing to a reality-show deal, like those self-absorbed pricks on Jon and Kate Plus 8, and people are right to wonder if you're just after this for fame and fortune. I can guarantee lady, in fifteen or twenty years, most -- if not all -- of your kids are going to be seriously screwed up by all of this exposure, so if I were you I'd either close down the show completely, or make sure you save up every last cent for a good psychiatrist. You're going to need it.

Speaking of funky family values, last week Miley Cyrus added her name to the list of celebrities claiming that they will abstain until marriage -- I use those words, because Britney Spears, Katie Holmes, and several others said the same thing and didn't follow through on it. Anyway, Cyrus says that her statement, is due to her strict Christian upbringing... is this the same upbringing that she had, when she posed in those half-nude photos, some of them in very creepy poses with her dad? Anyway, if Cyrus wants to set a wholesome example, fine -- she can put her money where her mouth is, by volunteering in shelters for homeless women and teen mothers. Especially teen mothers who were kicked out of their homes, thanks to some barbaric notion of shame to the family -- you know, a strict Christian upbringing. Miley, if you're going to get on a soapbox and talk about Jesus, first do what He did, and actually help those who are already in trouble. Then you're in a much better position to preach about morals and decency.

So as I close this tribute to those who continue to make humanity the biggest practical joke in the cosmos, let me say thank you to those who do know what parenting is about: those who encourage their children to explore, and to question, and to develop their own personalities... as opposed to just being puppets for narcissists that are starved for attention. Thank you, for not being like these dimwits. Enough said.

Brains on the Sidewalk

When I ranted last year, about bike riders who don't seem to know what they're doing, I forgot to mention a very big problem: not many seem to wear a helmet. We all know you're supposed to do it -- in some places, it's even the law -- but then again we all know that you shouldn't drive drunk or without a seatbelt, and look at how well that works. This is probably going to be yet another thing, where the only people who'll listen to me, are the ones who already know not to be this stupid, but I've got to say it anyway.

The other day, while on the job, I saw a thirteen or fourteen year old girl riding her bike, and not only was she not wearing a helmet, but she did something else that just about gave me chills. She was letting her little brother ride on the handlebars -- and he's maybe seven years old. For some reason, this idea is almost considered romantic in some ways, but this is just completely insane. The whole reason people get paranoid about bicycle safety is that if you fall off the thing or hit something, you're just going to shoot head-first into the closest hard surface.

Let me put it this way: earlier this year, actress Natasha Richardson slipped on a ski slope, hit her head on regular ground, and died in two or three days. If falling into a normal hill can kill a fully grown adult, what do you think would happen to a seven year old, taking a skull-plant into cement?

If I ever become crazy enough to have kids, this is definitely something I won't sit still for. Any son or daughter of mine who rides a bike, WILL wear a helmet, even if I have to duct tape it on. Any son or daughter of mine who rides someone else's handlebars, will be automatically grounded, and any son or daughter of mine allowing others to do this on their bikes, will have their bikes taken away. It sounds harsh, and no doubt you won't be on a kid's good side for doing it, but it's better that, than you go to their funeral, and constantly ask yourself why you didn't stop them from dying. Enough said.

Air Force Dumb/PR Fail

Ok, in case anyone thinks that I never go after the left wing in these blogs... apparently you haven't been reading for very long, but no matter. As we know by now, Barack Obama's publicity people had the bright idea last week, of staging a photo op to update their pics of Air Force One. Specifically their idea was to have the Presidential jet fly by the Statue of Liberty, close enough that you could spit on the torch... And do it for real. Hmph, and comedians were saying that Obama wouldn't give them anything to make fun of...

Honestly, how stupid could you possibly be, to think that this was even remotely a good idea? This is New York City -- Ground Zero -- and by now it just MIGHT be at the point, where seeing jetliners at all doesn't give the locals flashbacks. But what does someone want to do? Buzz the fucking shoreline with a 747, being chased by a fucking Harrier, no less! What do these idiots do for an encore, shoot off surprise fireworks at Columbine?!

Furthermore, coming from a video and filmmaking background, I have to ask: have these guys never heard of a thing called PHOTOSHOP? You know, that computer program that lets you stick people's faces onto animals for a joke? Trust me, if effects professionals can take Christopher Lee's head, put it on a 30 year old stuntman, and make him look like he's fighting Sonic the Hedgehog, it's not that hard to add an airplane to a shot of Liberty Island. I was able to do that in college, just to kill time between classes. These PR guys were presumably hired for their skills and creativity, so why did they show neither in a case as blatantly obvious as this? That's it for me.

Right Wing, Wrong Way

Change is slow. On top of that, the only people who completely embrace it are the ones who didn't like the status quo in the first place. I ought to keep that in mind, when I hear the latest right-wing garbage that attacks Barack Obama, liberals, gay rights, alleged terrorists, or any other conservative targets, but I'm only human. On top of that, I'm someone who was brought up to believe that people should be judged by their actions, rather than what colour their skin is, what church they go to, or who they're in love with. Plus, I place a very high value on not being called a traitor just because I don't like a particular leader. So change may be hard, but it is often necessary, especially when the status quo has failed as spectacularly as it has in the last few years.

Barack Obama recently marked the first 100 days of his presidency, and according to polls, most Americans are very happy with the job he's done so far. On top of that, America is gradually rebuilding its reputation as a diplomatic and innovative leader on the world stage, making amends with countries that previously wanted nothing to do with the U.S. But, if you lurk on political internet forums and blogs for about ten minutes, you'll find no shortage of people who are still utterly convinced that Obama is a Muslim terrorist, the Anti-Christ, a communist, or not even an American citizen. Honestly, this is so stupid and needless that the only good thing about it is its unpopularity.

Leaving aside that his birth in Hawaii is well documented -- at least to anyone actually interested in FACTS -- let's think about this for a minute: Obama was in the running for President for years, so doesn't it make sense that if there was any serious question about where he was born, it would have been caught long before he took office? As for the Muslim theory... leaving aside that Obama's Christian faith is also well documented, the Constitution does not disqualify non-Christians from becoming President. So in case it's not obvious, anyone using a mixed background to criticize Obama is just a bullshitting racist. Period. The Anti-Christ thing is just as stupid, especially since every world leader in recent memory has been compared to Satan at some time or another, and to my knowledge its accuracy rate has been exactly ZERO.

By the way, as long as the right wing is going out of its way to attack Obama as a so-called radical, I'd like to know what they think of the following people: George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, Abraham Lincoln, Winston Churchill, and John F. Kennedy. Not to mention recent conservative radicals like George W. Bush and Sarah Palin, or the all-time conservative poster boy, Jesus -- though I mean the one actually written about in The Bible, not the one invented by the witch-burners and homophobes.

As for the communist thing, that only seems to be there at all because he's a socially progressive politician who wants to reign in extreme capitalism and not threaten to bomb every country in the world with brown people in it. Now look, I've gone on enough for one season about how America supposedly places a high value on social liberties, and anyone who can be bothered to read a non-American news source would see that Bush's Dr. Strangelove antics had made the U.S. into a sick joke on the world stage. As for trying to control capitalism... when the Great Depression hit, another sitting President did the same thing, to get the economy afloat again. His name Franklin Roosevelt, and it was called the New Deal -- guess what? It worked. The whole reason why the economy imploded in the last few years is because several other governments since then have decided to undo everything that FDR put in place. So going after Obama for trying to put it back, is kind of like someone getting a triple heart bypass, and then ordering the doctor to take it all out because he can't eat pork rinds anymore.

In other words, if the extreme right wants to shoot itself in the foot, it can be my guest. But it shouldn't take the rest of the world with it.

Another post-9/11 relic still lurking, is the controversy over Canadian terrorism suspect Omar Khadr. Last week, a Federal Court ordered Prime Minister Stephen Harper to bring Khadr back to Canada for a proper trial, on the grounds that he is not only being railroaded, but he is legally a child soldier and thus we are obligated by law to show some leniency towards him. Being the neo-con fearmongerer that he is, Harper is refusing to do this -- yet another sign that he doesn't give a horse's ass about Canadian law -- claiming, among other things, that Khadr was never a child soldier. Excuse me, Harpo, but the guy was 15 when he was captured -- how in the hell is he NOT a child soldier? And who the hell are you to disobey an order from a federal court, anyway? To those of us who've been keeping score, he thinks he can ignore the Canadian public, Parliament, our Constitution, the Governor General, the actual economy, and finally our Judicial system, whenever he doesn't hear them say, "Yes, Emperor Harper". When is this asshole going to get overthrown?

Finally, there's the kerfuffle caused by American Homeland Security, thanks to Secretary Janet Napolitano. She recently said in an interview on the CBC, that several 9/11 hijackers came to the U.S. from Canada. This has been a long-standing position of the right-wing, thanks to a former CIA director who refused to say what proof he had of that claim, and you know something? It's completely untrue. Sure enough, Napolitano took it back a few days later -- claiming that she misunderstood the question, of course -- but the damage had been done. So not only is the perception of Canada as a terrorism haven in the air again, but it's being supported by none other than former Presidential candidate John McCain.

Now, even if it were true, that the hijackers crossed over from Canada, it does beg the following question: either way, the last stop for the terrorists was the American mainland. The onus of stopping troublemakers at the border, lies with the country about to receive them -- so why did American security and immigration not stop these men from entering THEIR country?

What I'm about to close with, I basically said when I crowned Sarah Palin the Douchebag of 2008, but I'm going to re-use it, because apparently it's not sinking in. Look, you right-wing "freedom lovers" (please note my sarcasm), maybe you haven't noticed, but a lot of people don't like you right now. In fact, a lot of people think that conservatives are completely clueless and psychotic. With statements like what's been coming out of your camp lately, you're not exactly proving them wrong. So if you ever want to legimately get power again, the best thing you could do is dig your heads out of your asses, take a look at life outside of your caves, and get a grip on the real world. To be honest, you're looking more and more like Joe McCarthy all the time, and the only thing he's remembered for is being a paranoid idiot who ruined a lot of innocent lives and nearly tore a country apart. Enough said.